Chuck vs The Missing Years
by malamoo
Summary: Chuck wakes up in the future and has no recollection of the past five years. chuck/sarah. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey, this is the first fanfic i've ever written so i'm still pretty new at this and probably making lots of mistakes. please be patient. hope you enjoy. _

_disclaimer: i don't own chuck. _

Chapter 1:

When Chuck opened his eyes, it was still dark outside—or so he thought, because he really wasn't sure. Heck he wasn't sure of anything. At first he thought he might be lying in his bedroom, but the bed felt stiffer than he was used to.

As the rest of his senses returned to him one by one he realized there was no way he could be in his room. The smell—a distinct cocktail of anesthetics, disinfectants, and stale air was definitely not familiar. A series of regular beeps that he first dismissed as his alarm clock grew more distinct, and Chuck realized that it couldn't be his alarm, the tone was all wrong.

_What's happened to me?_ he wondered. He had a terrible headache, not like the kind he would get from playing video games for twelve hours straight. This was much worse. Like perhaps he had played video games for twelve hours straight and then had an elephant trample on his skull.

His brain felt like one giant ball of cotton; his whole head felt like it was filled with air. He couldn't think straight at all. He tried to remember what he had been doing last but couldn't. Like words at the tip of his tongue, he felt like everything was just a little out of grasp.

Chuck's eyelids felt like they were being dragged down by weights and he closed them again. For a second he was almost lulled back to the stream of unconsciousness from which he just crawled out of but then he heard her voice.

"_Chuck."_

At first it was so soft he thought he imagined it, but then he heard it again.

"Chuck." Someone was calling him; a voice he didn't recognize.

Reluctantly, Chuck opened his eyes again, straining at the effort. He waited for his vision to clear before taking in his surroundings. There was not much to it. Monitors, IV tubes, a train of dark curtains that obstructed half the room and blinds pulled all the way down, allowing only the thinnest stream of light through.

Then he saw her standing over him. Blond hair tucked back in a messy ponytail, a pair of concerned blue eyes that matched almost perfectly with her scrubs.

"Chuck," she repeated, allowing a smile to appear on her otherwise hallowed complexion.

Chuck stared at her, going slowly through his mental rolodex trying to remember a name. Nothing.

His mouth felt as dry as sandpaper and his first words to her were little more than a rasp. "Where am I?"

The smile on the woman's face faded. "You're in the hospital, Chuck."

_Of course_,Chuck thought slowly. That made sense. He felt like crap.

"Are you my nurse?" he asked.

The woman stared at him for a long time. Chuck suddenly noticed the chart she was holding in her hands. _Another stupid question._

She leaned forwards and stroked the side of his face with her hand. Her touch was gentle, tender even. Then perhaps catching herself, she took a step back and rested the hand on his arm instead. Chuck was touched by her concern but the evidence of tears in her brilliant blue eyes filled him with unease.

"Yes, Chuck," the woman finally said, a much delayed response.

"Has something terrible happened?" Chuck couldn't help but wonder. Had this poor woman been assigned to deliver him the awful news?

The woman removed her hand and hugged the chart tightly against her chest, taking on a defensive stance.

"What's the last thing you remember?" she asked, her voice so soft he could barely hear it over the heart monitor.

Chuck tried to pick at his own brain but he was only grasping at air. Still, he hated to disappoint her. She looked so upset already and he'd only been awake for a few minutes.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I don't remember anything."

The woman took the response with strained stoicism. She bit down on her lower lip and clenched her jaw, fighting to keep her composure. One more word out of him, and he was afraid she would break.

"I'm so sorry," Chuck heard himself utter without really knowing why. After all, he was the one in the hospital bed. But she looked so sad and tired. She probably had a long shift and he wasn't making this any easier for her.

"What is your name?" Chuck looked up at her, staring directly into her eyes. She was a beautiful woman but her eyes, her eyes were like diamonds split into a million facets by imminent tears. There was so much emotion behind them that Chuck felt like he should know her, that they couldn't be just strangers.

"Chuck…Charles Bartowski," he said without too much thought. She gave a sigh of relief, which he took as a good sign.

"My name is Sarah," the woman said and paused, peering at him again with those haunting eyes. Chuck could only look blankly back at her. "Sarah Walker." She leaned forwards, and Chuck felt as if she was waiting for him to say something profound, expecting him to snap out of this—whatever this was.

"I'm sorry," he said, the second time now. He felt awful. She had probably taken care of him the whole time and he didn't even remember her name. "I'm so sorry."

Sarah took a step back, visibly disappointed. "Yeah," she said and took a deep breath. "Me too."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: A big thank you to everyone that reviewed. I'm so relieved that you guys thought it was okay. Thank you for your support! _

Chapter 2.

When Chuck opened his eyes again, he felt relieved he could at least remember what had happened a few hours before. His head throbbed a little less and he could think clearly for the first time in a long time.

The long curtain that separated his bed from the one adjacent suddenly parted and the same pretty nurse stepped in, quick to draw the curtain back. How had she known that he was awake?

"Hi, Chuck." She smiled at him and Chuck tried to match it with one of his own. She had a beautiful smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." She looked better too. The paleness of her features, the dark circles under her eyes, the tears of sadness; it was as if none of that had existed. Now her hair was down and neatly brushed, and her eyes were as clear as a cloudless day. Chuck wondered if he had been mistaken. It was probably the effect of the drugs. They were making him see things that weren't there.

"That's good," she said, giving him an encouraging nod. She opened up his chart, her eyes flitting across the sheet. "How is your memory? Do you remember anything new?"

The look of concern returned and Chuck knew he hadn't been mistaken; she had only managed to bury those emotions a little deeper than before.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry." He was saying that a lot today.

She nodded and closed the chart. "Don't be. It's not your fault."

_Then why do I feel so guilty?_ Chuck wondered, catching her forlorn gaze. But she must have noticed because it quickly disappeared, pushed back under her all her professionalism. He knew she had to be a strong person to work with patients and not let it affect her.

"The doctor will be checking up on you soon." She turned around to face the curtains and as if on cue, a man in a white coat appeared. He was an entirely different person altogether and there was nothing soft or warm about him. He had a hard-lined face, intense dark blue eyes, and lips that were perpetually pressed into a frown.

"Hello, Mr. Bartowski." He walked to the opposite side of his bed and stood over him, using his height as a weapon against him. Chuck shrank visibly under the sheets.

"Hello," he murmured meekly.

"You've been in an accident. Do you understand?" The doctor's tone was condescending and his eyes had a piercing quality to them. Chuck avoided his gaze and tried to look at Sarah but Sarah seemed to find the foot of his bed more interesting than their conversation.

"No. I don't remember any of it."

The doctor grunted and Chuck saw the first sign of a smile albeit smug and lop-sided. "Well you hit your head pretty hard. What is the last thing you remember?"

Sarah turned back to look at him and Chuck tried his hardest to remember, if only so she wouldn't look so sad.

"Chuck? What do you remember?" the doctor pressed again. It was remarkable how quickly the sternness in his tone could compound with impatience. He wondered if the man was like this with all his patients.

"Nothing," he said, feeling a little impatient himself. "I already told you, I don't remember a thing!"

The doctor was not pleased with his answer. "Chuck," Sarah said gently, placing her hand on his arm. She had a remarkable gift for calming people. "Just try." The muscles in her face grew taunt and he wondered if she was going to cry again. "Just try."

Chuck swallowed slowly. "Okay," he whispered back, keeping his eyes on Sarah. She encouraged him with a slight nod. "Okay." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to think of anything, anything at all.

There had been a lot of people. He could hear a lot of noise; there had been a lot of strangers. "The last thing I remember is my birthday party. My sister—oh God, Ellie!"

A memory! Like a fog that had lifted, everything came back to him as if it had always been there and he just hadn't looked hard enough. He was no longer just a name; he could remember people, faces, events—his friends, his work, his home.

"Oh my God, I remember now!" he declared, smiling broadly. His caretakers both stared at him with a contradicting mix of relief and worry.

"Chuck?" Sarah's hand slid down his arm and grasped his hand, wrapping his with both of hers. "Chuck…what do you remember?"

Chuck smiled. She looked so relieved, happy even. "Everything! It was my twenty-sixth birthday and my sister had planned a party for me. I didn't know anybody there and it didn't go too well. The party ended, I helped clean up a bit. I went to bed. And then I woke up here."

Sarah released him from her grip and took a step back. The smile on her face faded quickly and she looked at the doctor with visible concern once again.

"Your twenty-sixth birthday," she repeated slowly to herself.

"I'm sorry," Chuck said out of instinct. She was upset with him again.

"For what?" the doctor snapped, marking something down on his chart. Sarah shot him a disapproving glare but he ignored her.

"Chuck," Sarah said gently. Chuck's gut dropped with dread. Her pause, the apologetic looks—something was not right. "You're not twenty-six anymore. This is the year 2012. You're—"

"Thirty-one?" he nearly shouted. Chuck gripped the side-rail of the hospital bed, determined to leap out. This was ridiculous. How could he be thirty-one? What had happened to the last five years of his life?

"You'll rip out your IV's!" the woman warned. The doctor grabbed Chuck's shoulder and threw him back down on the bed with surprising strength. Chuck felt his body bounce against the hard vinyl mattress--hard. It knocked the breath right out of him.

"Casey!" Sarah nearly screamed. She checked the IV tubes protruding from each of Chuck's arms to make sure they hadn't been pulled and then shot the doctor a wrathful glare. Casey returned it with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Casey?" Chuck repeated, still trying to understand what was happening.

The two caretakers turned sharply to look at him. The doctor leaned closer, looking concerned for the first time.

"Yes, Chuck," Sarah replied, looking warily at the doctor. Even she was approaching the subject with caution. "This is Doctor Casey," she said slowly. "Doctor John…Casey."

They both looked at him as if it was supposed to mean something to him but it meant as little as the name Sarah Walker.

"Okay." Chuck's response elicited a sigh of relief on Doctor Casey's end and a look of disappointment on Sarah's, but the nurse, as Chuck had come to realize, was good at burying her emotions. In the blink of an eye she had put on her brave face again.

"Alright Chuck, I'm going to show you a series of pictures and words." Doctor Casey reached into his pockets and pulled out a deck of index cards. "Tell me if any of them mean anything to you."

Chuck deferred to Sarah. The woman nodded, encouraging him with a small smile.

"Okay," he said, hoping that this would work.

Doctor Casey held out the first card, looking at Sarah first before showing the image to Chuck. Words unspoken, they shared a moment between them. Finally Sarah nodded her consent and Doctor Casey brought the image up to Chuck's face.

It was a picture of two roads that crossed one another. At the bottom it read in big bold letters: _Intersect_.

They looked at him eagerly, waiting for his response.

What did they want him to say? These were just flashcards, for children. Did they think he had brain damage?

"Like…when you stop at the stop sign and wait to cross the intersection?" Even his own voice didn't sound confident.

"No, Dumbass," Doctor Casey growled.

"Casey!" Sarah snapped.

The next card had a picture of a see-saw. An elephant sat on one end and a chicken sat on the other. At the bottom it read: _Fulcrum._

"Okay, I know what a fulcrum is. I don't have brain damage," Chuck said, feeling as if he were being mocked.

Doctor Casey smirked. "Don't be so sure," he warned, chuckling under his breath.

Sarah glared at him again, looking like she wanted to punch him. "Don't listen to him, Chuck," she said, rubbing Chuck's shoulder. "This is just part of standard routine."

Chuck read out the next series of cards, all printed with a matching picture in bright, child-friendly colors. He could tell them what each of the cards meant, so he couldn't understand why Sarah looked more and more disappointed as the test progressed.

Finally they reached the end. Doctor Casey took the cards and shuffled them back into an orderly deck, slipping them into his long coat pocket.

"Well," he said, smiling brightly for the first time. "I'd say that was a success. Looks like we can discharge you soon."

Chuck looked at Sarah for confirmation. "That's good news, right?"

Sarah looked distractedly down at him. "Yeah," she said, though it was hardly convincing. "Good news."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Sarah sat at the table, file after file covering the wood surface—the most recent one of which sat open underneath her hand.

_Damn it,_ she was supposed to finish this report over an hour ago, but all she could do was stare at the blank lined paper. She gripped the pen a little tighter in her hand, resolving to start and finish at least a sentence. But from the moment she considered what she was about to say, her hand began to shake.

This was the end. Writing this report, her last report, would sever all ties and obligations to her asset. _Not asset_, she corrected mentally. Not really. It wouldn't be fair to him to say that the last five years had been just work for her.

_God, why is this so hard?_ She threw the pen down and buried her face in her hands. She hadn't been able to sleep for days. His smile, those warm brown eyes; they haunted her. She had been foolish to think that she could relax after the operation. The days he spent unconscious had been unbearable. The thought of losing him had nearly killed her.

And then he'd listened to pleas and returned to her.

When he first woke up, her greatest fear was that the operation had failed. Then he looked at her with those eyes and she knew in an instant that it was over. When they didn't warm at the sight of her or flicker with any hint of recognition, she knew she had been afraid of the wrong thing. The realization that every moment between them, every word spoken, every kiss shared, was somehow erased; she hadn't prepared herself for that kind of pain. She was grateful to have shed only a few tears and not fallen apart at his bedside.

Then when he asked her who she was, she froze. She knew her response would affect her for the rest of her life. She'd been asked to make some difficult judgment calls in her time at the agency, but nothing like this. This was like choosing between death by different kinds of torture.

Sarah took a deep breath and picked up the file again. A headshot of Chuck was paper-clipped to the corner. She remembered taking the picture a year ago. He had asked if he should make a sign with his name and ID number to hold up; 'make it look more authentic' had been his reasoning. She had frowned of course and told him to look natural, to which he responded 'natural like this?' mimicking Casey's mirthless expression with surprising authenticity 'or this?' and flashing his mega-watt smile. She had taken the photo in the middle, so while his eyes were full of life his lips only revealed a fraction of the smile he was capable of. She was glad of it. She didn't want to share that smile with anyone else.

When Chuck asked her the question, Sarah had almost said something else. But then she would be throwing everything away. The operation had offered her the cleanest break, the easiest exit. Chuck was safe. He could be reintroduced back to his civilian life and she could be reassigned without the fear of him waiting or worse, searching for her.

The door suddenly opened and Sarah threw the file down on the table, causing loose sheets to fly. She grabbed the pen in her hand but the empty page betrayed her.

Casey missed nothing. He smirked and closed the door behind him. "Still not done with that report, Walker?" he asked.

Sarah stared down at the paper. She swore wearing the doctor's coat made Casey even more smug than usual.

"I'm working on it," she said, knowing she was being short with him.

Much to her disappointment, Casey took a seat opposite her. "He'll be discharged soon. They've arranged the plane tickets and everything."

Sarah nodded, feeling her entire body tense up.

"They've fed him a pretty good story. He thinks he was on a business trip, slipped on the ice and took a nasty fall."

Sarah took a deep breath. Casey was waiting for her to say something, but her throat had already closed up. _Good, this is all very good_, she repeated to herself. Everything was going as planned.

"He's called his sister. She'll be picking him up at the airport."

Sarah was supposed to return with him. That's what they'd planned; the start of the rest of their lives together.

_Stop it!_ she yelled. She had always been so good at being objective, seeing things through, getting the big picture. _Focus!_

Casey folded his hands on the table. "Look, Walker…"

_Oh God_. She was going to be lectured by Casey of all people.

"The operation was a success. He doesn't remember anything to do with the Intersect." He stared at her, willing her to look up but Sarah couldn't. All she could do was stare at the picture of Chuck in front of her, _her_ Chuck.

"I know," she said. "But sometimes it's hard to say goodbye."

She looked up at Casey, ready to face the firing squad. He surprised her though by looking anything but smug.

"Yeah."

_

Six hours later, the report was finished and the files put away. Sarah packed her things, tossing her clothes carelessly into the lone suitcase. It was hard to imagine that she had lived out of it for the past two weeks. Not since the day they came together had she been able to separate the periods of watchful waiting into separate distinctive days.

Sarah was just about to slip her phone into her carry-on bag when she caught the background display. It made her pause and she stood staring at the picture, trying to remember everything about that evening.

They had been at a restaurant celebrating Devon and Ellie's first year anniversary. He was wearing a green striped shirt underneath his suit, she was wearing a dark green dress; they hadn't even intended to match one another. Just a coincidence, she told herself, nothing more.

He was telling her a funny story and she gave him her whole attention, like there was no one else in the room but him. And then, just before he could tell her the punch line, she heard a distinct _click_.

"You guys look so cute together," Ellie said, smiling broadly at them. She handed the phone back to her. Sarah blushed. She had let her guard down, as she did more and more frequently when she was around Chuck. It alarmed her that she would fail to notice something so obvious. What else had she failed to notice?

Sarah snapped out of it. She had betrayed herself by revealing so much of her emotions but the look on her face. She stared at the picture one last time. Sarah wouldn't have believed it if she didn't see it with her own eyes. It was the look of a woman in love.

Her thumb moved deftly across the screen, and within seconds the picture was gone forever. Just like every other memory of their time together.

_One more day, and then this will all be over._ She knew she was only lying to herself, and not very successfully at that.

Sarah left her small rest space and walked out into the hall. Tomorrow the facility would be dismantled, and by evening it would be nothing more than an unused office building.

Even that thought filled her with melancholy.

Without realizing it, Sarah's feet led her to Chuck's room. She stood at the threshold like an idiot, debating with herself whether or not she should see him one last time. Objectively, there was no reason to. _But…but…_

She tread carefully into the room, trying not to make any noise. There was still time for her to reconsider. Still time to run away. She held her breath as she took a fold of the curtain and pulled back.

Chuck was asleep. The IV's had been removed, the machines turned off and pushed to the corner. He looked no different than if he were sleeping in his own bed.

She let out a sigh of relief.

_There. You've seen him. Now turn back and leave._ There was still time, he would never have to know. Sarah took a step back, fighting with her body every inch of the way. _Leave! Go!_

Chuck rustled in his sleep and she froze. He turned his head to face her, but his eyes remained closed. He looked so peaceful.

Sarah couldn't help herself. She walked back to his bedside and pulled the blanket over his arms, tucking him in. She could feel his warmth underneath the blanket, could almost remember the way it felt to sleep wrapped in those arms.

Her hands lingered over the blanket even after she had smoothed the same place over and over.

"Chuck," she heard herself whisper. Her hands reached up to those perfect brown curls and she had to fight with herself not to wrap her fingers around them.

_One kiss…just one last kiss…_she begged with herself. She already knew the answer. The agent in her disapproved. The agent in her was still reprimanding her for everything that had happened in the last five years.

_Fine. One kiss, and then you leave._ That was the deal.

"Okay," she said aloud and nodded with conviction. One kiss, and then never again.

She pushed back her tears. There would be plenty of days for them, but not now, not in this last moment. Sarah leaned forwards, putting to memory this very sight of him. She wanted to remember every freckle, every wrinkle, knowing it would be the last she saw of him.

She leaned forwards and pressed her lips to his temple, afraid a kiss on the lips was asking for too much.

"Sarah?"

Sarah jumped back, blood draining so quickly from her head she felt faint.

"Chuck!" she exclaimed, trying to control the pitch of her voice to little avail. She flushed with embarrassment. She was one of the agency's best and she couldn't even sense him waking.

Chuck sat up in bed, casting a suspicious look at her.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, trying to fall back into her role. "I came in to check on you. I was just making sure the bandage was secure."

Chuck absent-mindedly brushed his hand over the incision along his hairline. His wariness faded but Sarah could tell he didn't fully believe her.

"Thank you," he said, staring at her with those big brown eyes.

_Oh Chuck, if only you knew. _Sarah felt tears suddenly rise to her eyes again. Why was she such a mess? When had having a handle on her emotions become so difficult?

"I'm sorry."

Sarah shook her head. "For what?" she asked.

"For making you so upset. I'm sorry I can't remember anything."

She looked at him in disbelief. Even now he was still putting her needs before his own.

"Oh Chuck," she whispered. If only he knew the truth. He would hate her.

An awkward pause descended upon the room and Sarah knew she should leave.

"Try to get some sleep, Chuck. You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow." With great reluctance she turned around and parted the curtain.

"Sarah?"

She couldn't help herself. Sarah turned, holding her breath. She looked expectantly at Chuck, a small part of her wishing he had remembered something. Anything.

"Yeah, Chuck?"

He wrinkled his brows. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

Sarah held her breath. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "It's stupid, I know," he said, laughing shyly. "But I just feel like we've met before. Before this I mean…because obviously we know each other now…and you obviously knew me while I was knocked out…before I really knew you…"

She smiled. He had a habit of rambling when he was nervous.

"So…have we?"

Sarah stirred from her thoughts only to realize he was now staring at her. "Have we what?" she repeated.

"Met. Before the accident."

The woman clamped down on her mouth before she could blurt something without thinking. _Not this again. Don't make me do this again._

Sarah looked down at her feet trying to collect herself, and then raised her eyes to look him straight. She had to, if she was going to sell it. "No, I'm afraid not," she said, struggling not to let the tremors that coursed through her body affect her.

Chuck didn't look too disappointed. He smiled at her, his eyes bright with amusement. "I didn't think so," he said. "You would be impossible to forget."

Sarah laughed a little, knowing he was just being nice and that it was just a joke, but the irony of his words cut her like a knife.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: hey, thanks again for everyone's reviews, i'm glad you're enjoying the story. sarah's gone but be patient, this story is completely chuck/sarah.  
_

Chapter 4.

Chuck hadn't regained any new memories by the time his plane touched down and he made his way through the airport. Doctor Casey had stated that there was nothing _medically_ wrong with him, and he was fit to return home. He encouraged it even. The sooner Chuck fell back into his normal routine the sooner those missing years were apt to return.

And Chuck was eager to catch up. He recalled everything before the last five just fine but the rest flew over his head.

"Chuck!" Chuck's ears pricked at the sound and he scanned the crowd looking for the source. His heart swelled with relief when he saw his sister waving at him. He ran up to her and enveloped her in a great bear hug. "Chuck!" she cried again, looking just as glad to see him.

"Ellie!" Finally, a familiar face! "Oh Ellie, you don't know how glad I am to see you!"

She beamed up at him and tousled his hair affectionately.

"I know. It's been awhile, Stranger." Her smile faded though when her hand brushed against the bandage hidden by his mop of hair. "Oh Chuck," she whispered, once again the overprotective sister. "Chuck, you should have called earlier. If I had known I would have flown to see you!"

"Well…" Chuck shrugged. "I kind of forgot."

She smirked at the terrible joke. "Don't worry. It'll all come back in time."

He nodded. "Yeah, I really hope so." He smiled at her, relieved that she acted like the same Ellie he always knew. "So, what's new with you?"

_

Ellie had just finished describing the details of her wedding to Chuck when their car pulled in front of the familiar housing complex. It was hard for Chuck to imagine himself at their wedding, which he had just three years ago. He always knew his sister and the Captain would get married someday, but somehow he figured he would remember something like that.

"Okay, we're here," she announced.

Chuck was so glad that Ellie hadn't moved. Terrible bedside manners aside, Doctor Casey had been right to suggest his speedy discharge. He felt much better now that he wasn't surrounded by strangers in some sterile hospital room. Everything here felt so familiar and comforting.

"Chuck?" Chuck saw that his sister was staring at him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, quick to shrug it off. He must have looked like an idiot just standing at the door. "Hey , Sis?"

Ellie stopped just short of opening the door. "Yeah? Oh, did you just have a memory flash?"

Chuck hated to disappoint. "No, actually I wanted to ask about something you said earlier. When you came to pick me up you said 'it's been awhile, Stranger'." The elder Bartowski bit her lip and frowned. "What…what exactly did you mean by that?"

"Chuck…" Ellie began, fidgeting with her hands. "Oh Chuck, I'm so sorry." She rushed to hug him, but Chuck couldn't return the gesture.

"Ellie, you're scaring me here."

His sister sighed. "It's just…we're not really as close as we used to be."

"What?" Chuck exclaimed. "How is that possible?" He couldn't imagine not being close to his sister. They lived together, saw each other every day; she even tolerated his friend, Morgan.

Ellie shrugged. "I don't know, we just…" There was something, but she was obviously reluctant to voice it. "Come on, baby steps. Let's just get you inside for now." Ellie looked so exuberant when she smiled. "I'm just so glad you're back."

She wrapped her arms around him again and squeezed, just as if she hadn't seen him in a long, long time.

The furniture inside the house had changed but the layout was still the same. Chuck shoved his hands into his pockets, feeling a little unsure of himself. This had once been familiar territory but now he felt like he was intruding.

"Okay, make yourself at home, Chuck," Ellie said, running to the kitchen. She was in her element now, pouring drinks and preparing a snack. "Devon's got a shift until the evening but we can all catch up together later. How does that sound, Chuck?"

"Sounds good." Chuck glanced over at the photos that adorned the walls. There were pictures of Ellie and the Captain on a biking trip, another of them vacationing on some part of the Asian continent. Then he spied their wedding photo sitting above the fireplace mantle. He picked it up and examined it ruefully, wishing he could remember the day for himself.

"So, Sis, do I still work at the Buy-More?" He placed the picture back where he found it and met her in the kitchen. Ellie wore the same strange expression she had when he asked about why they'd grown apart.

"No," she said and offered him a drink.

Chuck smiled. "That's it? Just no?"

Ellie nodded, her lips pressed tightly together. "Yup."

"Ellie, I know when you're keeping something from me. Come on." Chuck wondered why his sister was so hesitant. The thought frightened him a little. Could he do any worse than the Buy-More?

Ellie sighed. "I told you. We sort of grew apart. You quit your job at the Buy-More about a year ago but I don't really know what you do now."

Chuck's shoulders sank a little. "Oh. I guess my boss hasn't called to complain about my absence, huh?"

Ellie wrinkled her brows, an expression he often replicated when he was confused. "Well I wouldn't know. Perhaps you should check your cell."

"I don't—" he stopped himself and realized that he was not only missing his memories, he was also missing his cell. _Great_.

"So, is my room still the second one on the right?" Chuck hoped to deflect away from the awkwardness but judging by the expression on Ellie's face, he had walked straight into it.

"Oh Chuck," she said. Her apologetic tone said everything.

Chuck held out his hands in front of her. "It's okay. I get it. I moved out. That's good, right?"

Ellie nodded slowly, her smile still melancholy. "Yeah," she said. Chuck was suddenly reminded of Sarah. He felt bad, disappointing his sister too. He'd hoped he wasn't such a big disappointment five years in the future but things weren't looking so good.

"So where do I live now?"

Ellie frowned again. "Really?" Chuck asked. "We don't hang out? You don't come over for dinner?"

"I've never been to your place," she confessed.

Before Chuck could say anything else, there was a knock at the door.

Ellie's eyes bulged and she nearly dropped her drink. "Oh crap!" she exclaimed. "I completely forgot."

"Forgot what?" Chuck tailed behind Ellie as she dashed for the door. "Ellie!"

Ellie stopped abruptly and turned around. "Okay, I'm sorry, Chuck, it completely slipped my mind."

Chuck wanted to laugh but the moment was completely inappropriate. Ellie had a habit of running around like a headless chicken when she panicked.

She pointed to the door. "That's your girlfriend. She's here to pick you up."

Chuck suddenly felt sick. "What?" he gasped, hearing his voice grow unnaturally high. "Wh-Who?"

"Relax, Chuck. You two have been going out for awhile now. I was going to tell you but I forgot."

"That's convenient," Chuck stuttered, feeling like the room might be spinning a little.

There was another knock at the door and Ellie turned to answer it.

"No, no!" Chuck grabbed his sister by the arm. "No, Ellie, wait! What is she like?"

Chuck couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Ellie's expression. "You've _never_ met her?"

"No, I have," she said in her own defense. "Once…or twice. It's your business, you know?" Before Chuck could ask when any of his personal life had ever been off limits for her, she turned and unlocked the door.

"Hi, Carmen!" Ellie greeted.

Chuck dropped his sister's arm and stared slack-jawed at the woman standing at the door. There was no way they could be dating.

"Hi, Ellie," Carmen greeted his sister with a warm smile and an awkward hug. Then she saw Chuck and her smile widened. "Chuck!" she gasped and threw herself at him.

Chuck stood frozen on the spot while the strange woman squeezed him hard enough to break his ribs.

"I was so worried!" she said. "Are you alright? You didn't answer of my calls."

Chuck gulped. They must have gotten strange looks when they walked down the street together. She was stunning; her skin was golden and flawless, and her figure was slim and toned. She looked like a model straight out of a magazine cover. The only thing that made him leery was her resemblance to Jill, another brown haired-brown eyed beauty that had crushed his heart—but then again, he had always had a thing for brunettes.

"Hi…Carmen," he said, feeling the name tumble awkwardly out of his mouth. He must have said it countless times but it still felt strange.

Carmen smiled, clasping his hand and giving it a tug. "Ellie, would you mind if I took him home? I'll bring him back for dinner, I promise."

Ellie seemed relieved to hand the burden of breaking all the news to someone else. "Of course!" she exclaimed a little too enthusiastically and held the door wide open. "You two have fun!"

"Ellie!" Chuck hissed through gritted teeth. "Please."

Carmen squeezed his hand. For a moment, he caught a look of warning in her otherwise doe-brown eyes. Chuck knew if he protested any further, he'd be upsetting a third woman.

"See you at dinner then," Chuck said, trying his hardest to fake a smile.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Chuck sat silently in the car waiting for Carmen to fill him in but she seemed more interested in navigating the road. Her cheerfulness had faded rapidly once they were out of Ellie's sight and by the time they got to the car, she was positively standoffish.

Having spent the first fifteen minutes in silence, Carmen seemed content to spend the rest of their trip in the same manner until Chuck decided to speak up.

"So…" he broached, fidgeting with his hands. "How long have we been together?"

"Almost a year," she said, still staring at the road.

A year. That was a decent amount of time.

"And we live together?"

She nodded.

"How long—"

"A month after we met."

Chuck sank deeper into the seat. He couldn't help but feel like they had rushed things which was strange because he really wasn't the type.

He stared at her profile, imagining himself madly in love with her. It was harder for him to imagine her reciprocating the same feelings, especially with the way she was acting now.

"How did we meet?"

Carmen frowned and stole a glance in his direction. "Um…" she said softly, and then seemed to focus all her energy on the empty track of asphalt in front of them.

"Carmen?"

"We…" She stole another furtive glance at him, and appeared annoyed to see that he was still staring at her. "We met through a friend of a friend."

"Which friend?"

She frowned again. "Chuck," she said in exasperation.

"What? It's a simple question."

Carmen shrugged. "You wouldn't know her anyway, what does it matter?"

Chuck dropped the subject but her evasiveness bothered him.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm an accountant at a firm," she said, chewing on her lips.

"Which firm?"

"Chuck!" She looked at him, her eyes flashing with anger, and Chuck couldn't understand it. What was he doing wrong?

"Okay," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "We won't talk about it." Either he really disapproved of her work or Carmen really hated her job.

"What do I do for a living?"

Carmen gripped the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles were bone-white.

"Carmen?"

"I don't know," she snapped. "You work with computers in an office."

Chuck sighed and looked out the window. He wondered if they knew each other any better before the accident. He didn't want to think it much less say it, but she was not who he imagined himself with five years in the future.

"Are you mad at me or something?"

Carmen tore her eyes off the road. "What do you mean?" she asked, the tension in her face softening a little.

"Did I do something to make you upset?" he clarified. "Besides the obvious memory loss, I mean. You're being kind of hostile."

Her cheeks flushed at the accusation and Chuck was glad there was something to occupy her mind otherwise she looked ready to toss him through the windshield. "I'm just adjusting to the situation at hand," she said. "We had a good thing going and now…"

Chuck looked at her curiously. "Were we in love?" he asked quietly.

She wouldn't look at him. "Yeah."

"Does Morgan know about what happened? Did you tell him?"

Carmen frowned. "Who?"

The surprise in her voice was a first. Chuck could doubt everything else she'd said, but not this.

He closed his eyes. First he'd lost his sister, and now his best friend.

"Never mind." Chuck retreated into his thoughts and they spent the rest of the car trip in silence. The more he learned about his life, the more he wished he could go back to the way things were.

_

The car pulled into a parking lot adjacent to an apartment complex. It was modest, and the surrounding area looked safe and largely residential.

"Not bad…" Chuck said under his breath. He wondered how they afforded the place and suddenly hoped his new job paid more than his Buy-More salary.

Before Chuck could pull on the door latch and exit, Carmen grabbed his hand and squeezed.

"Chuck, wait." She pulled the keys out of the ignition and they sat in silence. "Look. I know about what happened. Ellie told me and I pieced the rest together."

"About the accident."

She nodded. "Yeah, about that," she said. "Look. What you did was stupid, and I don't know what's going to happen but I want you to know that I'll still be here, in case you need anything."

Chuck blinked. "I don't understand—"

"That's okay," she said, shushing him with a finger to his lips. Her touch sent tremors down his back. "You don't have to."

He laughed nervously. "Carmen, I don't know what my sister's told you but I fell on my head. Hard. Very hard." He felt he needed to emphasize the point to her because she didn't seem too impressed.

She smiled at him and nodded, but the look in her eyes didn't change. "I know."

"Then why do I feel like you're accusing me of doing it on purpose?"

Carmen sighed and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Now why would you think that?"

Before Chuck could explain though, she exited the car, marking the end of their conversation.

_

"Okay, well there isn't much to show here so just have a look around and make yourself at home," Carmen said as she opened the door and let Chuck in.

"Because I am at home," he emphasized to himself, though it felt anything but. The apartment was small but not terribly so. The kitchen, dining room, living room and doorway all seemed to blend into one large space, and there was a hallway that led to what he supposed was the bedroom.

Chuck looked from the bare walls to the sparse furniture, wondering just how dull his life really was. "Did you decorate this place or did I?" There was no TV or stereo in the living room, just a couch and a bookcase filled with books he'd never heard of.

Carmen gave him a pointed look. "We did," she said. "Together. Is something wrong?"

"No!" Chuck said quickly and smiled to prove his point. "No. No. Everything is very lovely here. Just peachy." He couldn't help but feel like he was treading on thin ice with his girlfriend. They had only known each other for an hour and she had already snapped at him twice. "Where…where are my video games?"

"You don't play video games," she said matter-of-factly.

Chuck gulped. That was impossible. He would have accused her of lying if he didn't feel so out of his element standing in their apartment. He turned around, scanning the corners for any possible wires or hidden boxes.

"What are you looking for, Chuck?"

Chuck straightened up and grinned at her. "Uh…um…" he uttered, stalling for time. "Pictures!" He clapped his hands, relieved at his stroke of genius. "I'm looking for pictures to jog my memory a little, you know?"

Carmen looked dubious but she let it drop. "Um, there's one," she said, pointing to the far corner beside the couch.

Chuck walked over and picked up the photo frame from the corner table. He was standing beside Carmen in a park. His arm was slung over her shoulder and they both wore big smiles on their faces. Chuck had no recollection of that moment.

"Do we have any others?" he asked.

"Um…" Carmen shifted uneasily where she was standing. "I don't know…I'll look." That was a no.

Chuck put the frame back but his eyes lingered on the photograph. He wasn't sure why there was only one photo of them as a couple but one thing was for sure. He had been forcing a smile.

There were two bedrooms to the apartment and both contained beds.

"The other is a storage room," Carmen explained quickly, as if reading his thoughts. "You threw all your messy junk there."

Chuck wrinkled his brows. "My messy junk?" he repeated, peeking his head into the smaller room. It wasn't junk. It was almost an exact replica of his old bedroom at Ellie's, complete with all the posters and knickknacks. In comparison, the master bedroom was immaculate and simple. The walls were bare and there was nothing but the essentials in the room. By Carmen's definition, anything besides a bed and a dresser was probably 'messy junk'.

"So this is where I did most of my work?" he asked, stepping into his old room.

Carmen looked at him blankly. "I'm going to call my boss and take a shower," she excused and padded down the hallway.

Chuck closed the door self-consciously after her and sank onto his unmade bed. If it was only a storage room, why were the sheets tossed to the side?

He walked over to the top of his dresser where he saw a pile of spare change, a stick of deodorant, and a pack of gum; all things he would put there if he was using the room.

Carmen was not telling him something, and he was sure it wasn't the only thing. He scanned the rest of his room, noting the computer monitor covered in stickies, and his DVD collection arranged on the bookcase. He sat down on the chair swiveling in circles as he tried to imagine himself here, probably hiding from his beautiful but emotionless girlfriend.

There wasn't a single photo of Carmen in the room, or anything that even indicated he had a girlfriend. Was he simply being ungrateful? She was stunning and Ellie seemed to approve so why wouldn't there be more photos?

Chuck walked over to inspect his collection of DVDs. He wondered what was good to watch now; had his favorite shows had been canceled? There were a lot of titles he didn't recognize but only one stood out to him. There was something familiar about it but he was sure he'd never heard of it before.

He pulled out the case to inspect it only to realize it wasn't a DVD. It was a video game. Chuck smiled to himself; he knew video games weren't something he could completely give up. It gave him hope, proof that he hadn't changed as dramatically as he was led to believe. He put the title back where he found it. When he had the time he would look for the console but for now he was satisfied.

"Chuck?" Chuck walked back out into the living room where Carmen stood, her hair slick and wet from the shower. She had been remarkably efficient with her use of time. "Ellie called. Said Devon got home early. Do you want to pick something up together and then head over?"

Chuck shrugged. "Yeah, sure." He really didn't know what to think anymore.

Carmen smiled. "Great. Just let me get changed." Wearing nothing more than a towel, she seemed to know the effect she would have on him when she brushed past him.

Chuck gulped. He opened his mouth, prepared to confront her about the video game but she made him reconsider.

"Okay..." he said though it sounded more like a strangled sigh. From everything today, he was sure she kept some secrets from him too.

"Hey, Chuck?" he heard her call from behind closed doors. "Can you grab the grocery list? I left it on the fridge door."

Chuck walked over to the kitchen but couldn't see anything save for a few take-out menus stuck to the surface. Perhaps it had slipped from one of the magnets. He got down on his knees and peered under the fridge. There was definitely something.

He reached in and felt his hands wrap around something solid. Not a grocery list, probably a magnet that had fallen under.

_A magnet this heavy?_ Chuck wasn't sure what he was holding onto, but there was only one way to find out. Carefully maneuvering his hand back out, he jumped at the realization.

_Holy crap!_ He bit down on his fist to keep from freaking out. It was a gun. Probably with real bullets and everything.

_Apparently we kept some pretty big secrets from each other. _

_  
A/N: Happy New Years everyone! _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

Chuck pushed the gun back where he found it and tried to find some semblance of normalcy. He didn't ask Carmen any more questions, doubting whether she spoke the truth, and she appeared visibly relieved with the change, even going so far as to reward him with a smile.

The car ride and the grocery trip were completed in almost total silence, just as she seemed to prefer things. The unspoken divide between them was so great that at one point in the grocery store, a security guard approached Carmen and asked if the man behind her was bothering her.

"Me?" Chuck had asked, startled at the accusation. He realized things didn't look good when he tailed behind his girlfriend like a lost puppy.

When Carmen clarified, the guard had taken a critical look at the pair and grunted, not altogether convinced. After that, Carmen insisted that Chuck walk beside her but she still didn't want to talk and remained aloof to his disappointment.

_

In front of Ellie she was another person altogether; suddenly Carmen was talkative and couldn't seem to keep her hands off of him, stroking his hair, holding his hand, patting his shoulder. It was all very strange.

Dinner was largely uneventful, awkward even. Chuck could tell Carmen wasn't close with his family because she didn't seem to know very much about them, even accidentally calling the Captain Darren instead of Devon.

Chuck wanted to ask Ellie about his past, hoping she would be more honest with him than his girlfriend, but throughout the evening Chuck found it hard to add a single remark much less a whole sentence without being interrupted. Everyone just acted as if the last five years hadn't happened.

The only time anyone made mention of the past was on the ride home when Carmen suddenly turned to Chuck and said, "You really don't remember a thing, do you?"

She sounded surprised and it hurt Chuck that she had doubted him all along. "Well of course, did you think I was faking it?"

Carmen shrugged. "Anything's possible," she murmured.

_

Carmen's demeanor changed again when they entered the apartment. Whether it was the wine or the dark room that did it, she had a positively predatory smile on her face.

"I really missed you, Chuck," she breathed, cornering him before either of them could remove their jackets.

Chuck gulped. He laughed nervously, unsure how to respond.

"I know you don't remember, but I think I've got a trick or two that'll jog your memory." She smiled again and Chuck was afraid his knees were about to give out.

"Ah…Carmen—" She silenced him with a kiss. Chuck knew he must have kissed her a thousand times before but it still felt like kissing a stranger. He pulled away awkwardly, trying to catch his breath.

"Chuck, please…you need to trust me," she purred. Chuck laughed nervously.

"You know, I hope you won't be offended. I think you're beautiful and all—stunning, gorgeous…" he stammered when she turned her full gaze on him. "But I don't remember anything that's happened between us and I would feel uncomfortable sharing a bed with you tonight."

Chuck cringed, and fought the sudden urge to hurl himself out the window. Could he have worded things any more awkwardly?

_And also I've found your gun under the fridge. Maybe you'd like to hide it somewhere else? _

Carmen pursed her lips. "Fine," she said, the cold tone matching that of the morning car ride. He wondered if she was a robot; it was hard to comprehend how someone's emotions could be flicked on and off so easily. "I understand."

Chuck smiled nervously. "Great. Thanks."

Carmen grabbed his wrists suddenly and Chuck had a premonition that she would tie him up and beat him to a pulp. "Chuck, I want you to know that I care about you. I would never do anything to hurt you." Her dark brown eyes searched his and Chuck so desperately wanted to believe her.

Chuck gulped audibly. "Okay," he whispered.

"And if you see anything, remember anything…anything at all, you tell me, okay? You can trust me." Chuck bit down on his lips, afraid that he might be enchanted into telling her what he'd found. He was sure she could if she tried. She would probably have no trouble seducing any man she wanted.

"Anything," Carmen stressed. Seeing him nod, she smiled and let him go. "Good night, Chuck." She leaned in but Chuck turned his head to the side at the last minute and she had to contend herself with a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Night," he said, and retreated into the safety of his own room.

He groaned, wondering what was wrong with him. Had he really turned down a ridiculously beautiful woman just so he could sleep alone in the bed he'd owned since high school?

_

Chuck spent the next hour going through his room trying to pick out clues that would give a hint of who he was now. He found a few suits and ties in the closet that was congruent with working 'with computers in an office'. His computer password hadn't changed but there was nothing on there that surprised him. In fact, he felt as if there were files missing from it. There were no documents dated beyond five years ago.

The search for his game console turned up empty. He looked in all the usual places but the bottom of his closet contained only shoes and there was nothing but dust bunnies under his bed. He probably had to become much sneakier living with Carmen.

Chuck pulled out the game case again from the library of DVDs. "Guess I won't be playing you any time soon," he said, feeling rather sorry for himself.

Curious to see what the game was about, he opened the case to read the instruction manual only to find that there was no manual and no game. Instead, several photos fell out, scattering onto the floor.

"What the—" Chuck bent down and quickly gathered them. He looked at the first one and the blood ran from his face.

It was her. The nurse from the hospital.

In the photo he had his arms snaked around her waist and she had them locked there with her hands. A wide grin covered their faces. In the next they were sitting in a restaurant booth and she was looking at him with an expression nothing short of adoration.

Chuck flipped through the photos, each one capturing them as a couple. He didn't know what any of this meant but he knew one thing. The smiles had been genuine.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Thanks for being patient guys and reading despite the fact it's a chuck/sarah fic without sarah (she'll appear again, i promise). I've finished a rough outline of the whole story and just realized that this is the halfway point so from here onwards, those burning questions you have should start getting answered. If they aren't..then i've probably failed. _

* * *

Chapter 7:

After a breakfast punctuated only by the sound of crunching cheerios and slurping milk, Carmen left for work promising to return for dinner by five. Chuck still didn't know where work was and his girlfriend was strangely oblivious to an office phone number and address. Though after last night, Chuck knew that nothing was strange anymore.

Once Carmen was gone, Chuck snuck back to his room and pulled out the photos of Sarah. He looked them over again, trying to jog his memory. If he even remembered just one minute detail it would be enough.

Chuck could recall with startling clarity the first time he saw her. She hadn't mentioned anything about a relationship then. Even when he pressed she had consistently denied knowing him.

Why?

Why would she do that?

Chuck studied the photos again. They looked so happy together; he just couldn't understand.

He traced the outline of her face with his index finger, trying to place those same features on the sad, lonely woman who held a bedside vigil for him. He remembered Sarah looking pale and exhausted, always with tears or the traces of tears in her eyes—nothing like the way she did in these photographs.

Chuck grabbed a phone and dialed the number he had long committed to memory.

"Hey Ellie?" Chuck stared at a photo of him and Sarah smiling into each other's eyes. "We need to talk."

_

"Sit down," Ellie said after opening the door to let him in. She didn't wait to see if he would follow her and walked off into the living room to occupy one of the seats.

Chuck closed the door behind him and made his way into the living room. It wasn't like Ellie not to smile, which meant she probably knew what Chuck had come for.

"I need you to tell me everything, Ellie. No holding back. I need the truth."

Ellie's jaw clenched and she looked slightly defiant. "Chuck…" she said. "It will all come back to you. Give it time." She patted his knee the way she used to when they were kids but reassurances had been so much easier then.

Chuck shook his head. "I don't have any more time." He reached inside his coat pocket and pulled out the photographs. Laying them out in front of her, he heard Ellie gasp. "I need you to explain this to me. I found these in my apartment."

Ellie sighed. "Oh, Chuck."

"Please, Ellie, I need to know."

She avoided Chuck's gaze, knowing she'd already given too much away. "How did you even find them? Did you get your memory back?"

"Is her name Sarah?"

It must have been, because Ellie finally relented. She picked up one of the photos. "I remember this one. You took her to the beach for your anniversary. You planned for weeks. You had me teach you how to make these mini sandwiches so you could impress her with your culinary skill."

Her smile quickly faded as she looked at her younger brother. "It's probably better that you don't remember."

"She was my girlfriend?"

Ellie nodded. "You met her not long after your twenty-sixth birthday."

"Why did we break up?"

She shrugged. "You never said. Next thing I knew, you were dating Carmen."

The implication stung. Chuck had taken nearly five years to get over Jill. To think he could get over Sarah in a matter of days was hard to fathom and it certainly didn't say a lot about his character.

"And you weren't going to tell me?" His sister's silence told him all he needed to know. "How come we aren't close anymore, Ellie?"

Ellie placed the picture back down, and stared at the collection on the coffee table. She had to ruminate on the thought for a long while before she could give him a response.

"Even from the beginning you always told me that your relationship was _complicated_. I couldn't understand it. You two looked so in love."

Chuck agreed. Since Jill he'd never seen himself look happier.

"I don't know what went on with you and Sarah, but you would come home high as a kite one evening and sulking and moody the next. You two were together for almost four years but it just never seemed to go anywhere.

"I was kind of relieved when the two of you finally broke up. She was holding you back. Once the two of you were over, you moved out, found your own place. Quit the Buy-More, found an office job. You found a new girlfriend—"

Chuck held up his hand. This was all getting to be too much.

"You haven't answered my question. Why aren't _we_ close anymore, Ellie?"

Ellie sighed. "After you two began to date you became secretive; always late, breaking promises, lying-" Chuck couldn't believe it. He never lied to Ellie.

"Because of Sarah?"

"That wouldn't be entirely fair for me to say, but yeah." Ellie hastily wiped her eyes. "You were growing up and I couldn't be the only woman in your life anymore, but I can't help but feel like I lost you to her. We just talked less and less, and you were always so _evasive_."

Chuck flinched. Carmen was the definition of evasive and he didn't want to think he ever talked to Ellie that way.

"You were always so busy, but you would never say what. Something was obviously upsetting you but you wouldn't talk about it. You wouldn't let anyone in. I just…I lost you for awhile there, Chuck. And when I received the phone call from the hospital, I just felt…" Ellie's face scrunched up with guilt. "I felt so relieved that you could forget everything to do with her."

Chuck's heart broke to see her like this. "Ellie, please don't cry." He moved across the table to sit beside her. "Ellie, it's okay. Don't feel bad." She leaned on his shoulder, the tears now soaking through his shirt.

"It was so wrong of me to be happy. It was an awful thing to think."

Chuck hugged his sister close. "I can understand, Ellie. It's okay." Staring down at the pictures with a different set of eyes, he wondered just how bad things had been for his sweet sister to want him to forget five years of his life.

Chuck took one last look at the photos before gathering them up and shoving them back into his pocket, out of sight and with any luck, out of mind. It was just as well that he couldn't remember, he didn't know if he wanted to.

* * *

_A/N: __How was that? I'd love to know what you think of chuck's relationships with sarah/carmen/ellie based on what you know or have figured out. _

_Also on a completely random tangent, does anyone know how to make larger spaces between paragraphs? Everytime i save an edited document it minimizes all the spaces and it's driving me nuts._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Ellie dropped Chuck off back at the apartment before leaving for her midday shift. No sooner had he stepped into the room and closed the door, the phone rang.

His heart jumped and just before he heard the voice on the other end, he had a premonition that it might be his boss screaming at him and demanding to know where he'd been all this time.

"H-hello?" he asked, his voice trembling with nervousness.

"Hey, Chuck." It was Carmen.

Chuck held his breath. "Hi!" he blurted, sounding way too excited for the occasion.

There was a pause on the other end. "Hi. Are you okay there?"

"Uh-huh," he confirmed, taking the photos out of his pocket and putting them safely away. For now he didn't want her to know anymore than she suspected. "Just fine!"

Carmen sighed loudly into the receiver. "I called earlier, Chuck, and you didn't pick up. Where did you go?"

Chuck's forced smile collapsed. He was glad he didn't have to face her right now otherwise his lies would be completely transparent.

"You were keeping tabs on me?" he asked. "I stepped into the shower; you must have just missed me."

Carmen must have sensed his accusatory tone. "I was just worried," she said. "I feel bad leaving you all alone there. You're still adjusting."

For a moment the line between Carmen the evasive gun-toting bombshell blurred with Carmen the sweet and affectionate girlfriend. Chuck was almost tempted to tell her everything.

"I'm fine," he finally said. "Just…figuring some things out. Hopefully I'll go to work tomorrow." He laughed to fill the awkward silence. "And discover that I've been fired."

Chuck thought he heard her smile on the other end. "I'll be home at five. Could you do me a favor?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay at home, okay?"

Just as he heard the phone click on her end, there was a knock at the door.

"Okay," he murmured to no one in particular. He put the phone back in its cradle and approached the door. "Who is it?" he called, even though he knew there was a slim chance he knew the person on the other end.

He swung open the door, about to say 'hello' only to have the words, "Oh my God," slip out instead.

The woman smiled faintly at him. She was wearing a blue one-piece dress and clutching a black duffle bag, the airport tag still stuck on one handle.

"Sarah." Not quite the teary-eyed Sarah he remembered from the hospital but not really the Sarah who beamed happily in the pictures either. Regardless she was still beautiful, the tone of her dress a perfect match for the solemn blue of her eyes.

"Hello, Chuck." She looked like she wanted to step forwards but something held her back.

It was him. Chuck realized he was barring the entrance to the hallway.

"Um…" He cleared his throat, feeling guilty for staring. "Please, come in." He let go of the door and stepped back, giving her ample space to move.

She hesitated at first but eventually crossed the threshold, stepping into the room. Carefully she closed the door behind her.

Chuck had to lean against the wall so she wouldn't notice how weak his knees had become. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying not to look at her. After staring at all those photos, it was hard for him not to let his mind wander.

"So, what brings you here?" he asked, looking at her warily. Sarah hands squeezed the duffle bag handle so tightly her knuckles were bleach-white. At least he wasn't the only person who thought this was awkward. "Is there something wrong with me? Am I going to be okay?"

A look of confusion flickered across her features, briefly displacing the look of sadness in her eyes.

"What? Oh. No." Momentarily stepping into her role, she smiled a smile that failed to reach her eyes. "No. I'm sure you'll be just fine."

Chuck waited for her to say something more. After all, he wasn't supposed to know anything about their almost four year relationship. The thought angered him. He had a right to know the first time. She should have been honest with him.

"Chuck?" Her voice was timid and wary. Chuck met her eyes and they looked to him almost as if for permission to continue.

Chuck found it hard to imagine that this was the woman who drove a wedge between him and his sister. She looked anything but malicious.

"Yeah?"

Sarah looked at a loss for words. She stuttered on incomprehensible syllables at first, starting five different ways without going anywhere. And then, finally, she lifted her head and said in the steadiest voice—"I've made a terrible mistake."

She pulled him in with her eyes. The torture she had put herself through she now submitted onto him.

"I've made a terrible mistake, Chuck," she uttered. "Please, forgive me." In one fluid motion, she dropped her bag on the floor and fell into his arms. "I'm so sorry."

Despite all of Ellie's warnings, Chuck forgot them in an instant and his first instinct was to comfort her. His arms folded slowly over her back and he held her while she cried into his shirt.

"Chuck..." The sound of her anguish was terrible, a sound he never wanted to hear again. Chuck had to remind himself not to apologize but the urge was there. He held her, resting his chin on the top of her head, burying his face into her long blond hair. He couldn't quite describe it, but it felt like something he'd done before, something familiar.

But there was something missing too. Sarah must have felt it because she pulled away prematurely; the tears still fresh in her eyes.

She looked as if she were drowning, her face was so pale and the blue of her eyes were nearly washed out. "I need to tell you something, and I know it will be very hard for you to believe me."

"Don't worry, I already know."

She balked. "What?"

"Our relationship. I already know."

The corner of Sarah's lips twitched. It could have been a smile had she let it. "You got your memory back?" she asked, reaching out to him.

He shook his head. "No. Ellie told me."

Sarah's hand fell slack against her side. "Oh," she said, her lips pressed tightly into a definite frown. "Okay, Chuck, then we really need to talk."

Her choice of words made him frown. "We are talking." Chuck stared at her, wondering how real their relationship had been. Was she like Carmen? Was that why Ellie said he thought their relationship was 'complicated'?

"Not here," she said—perhaps too firmly. She flinched when she noticed Chuck take a step back. "Will you…" her voice softened and she trained her gaze upon him again, using her brilliant eyes as a weapon. "Will you please go somewhere with me?"

Chuck knew he'd promised someone else already, but Sarah looked like she'd already given up all hope. Her eyes pleaded with him, tugging on every heartstring he had. Ellie's words were long forgotten; all he could think about now was the woman standing in front of him.

She'd flown out here for him, sought him out at his apartment to speak to him. _Really it's the least you could do._

Chuck sighed. "Okay. Where do you want to go?"


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: thank you to everyone who read and reviewed; your thoughts are always appreciated and i love hearing what you have to say. the amount of interest generated from the last chapter surprised me (in a good way); i know it took a long time for Sarah to come back but now she's finally here! thanks for being patient. _

_

* * *

_Chapter 9:

Sarah thought ahead by nature. She always made plans; back-up plans, contingency plan, escape plans--even vacation plans when she was so inclined; she couldn't help it. Having gotten ahead of herself and planned for a lifetime with Chuck, Sarah sat behind the wheel of the rental now staring off into space, wondering how things had become so messed up.

"Um, where are we headed?"

Sarah stirred from her thoughts. Things hadn't gone exactly as she'd hoped. She had been asking for too much when she appeared at Chuck's door, and it set her up for nothing but bitter disappointment.

"Oh…just a place," she said, and focused all her attention on the road. In all honesty she wasn't sure where she was driving to. She had areas in mind, places where they'd shared moments, built memories, but now with Chuck it would only hurt more to have to relive those moments alone.

Sarah was so nervous she didn't even notice how quiet Chuck had gotten in the seat beside her.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" she broached gently, stealing a glance at his profile. Just a hint of those familiar brown eyes and she felt her throat constrict. "I'm sure you have questions for me."

Chuck seemed to jump back to life. "Really?" He turned, beaming at her with his trademark mega-watt smile. "Wow, really? It's okay? You don't mind?"

Sarah couldn't help but laugh. "Of course. Why not?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I thought you'd be…I don't know, more evasive?"

Sarah couldn't understand how agreeing to answer a few questions could make him so happy. Then she recalled their circumstances and it had a sobering effect on her. The thought of having to lie made her wish she had held her tongue instead.

Chuck rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "Okay. How did we meet?"

Sarah sighed in relief. Easy enough. "At work. I had a problem with my cell and you fixed it for me."

He laughed incredulously. "Wow and I somehow summoned up the courage to ask you out?"

Sarah smiled, feeling herself relax for the first time in weeks. "Actually I asked _you_ out." She turned her head just in time to catch his look of disbelief. It was enough to make her blush. "Have some faith in yourself, Chuck."

Chuck shook his head. "Right," he said slowly. "Next you'll say you fell in love with my nerd herd outfit."

They shared a laugh. Relief washed over her as she realized he was still the same Chuck she knew and loved.

_Well of course. He had some memories removed, not a lobotomy_, she chastised.

"You've surprised me, Sarah."

His words sent shivers down her spine. "Oh?" she said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"I didn't think this would be so easy."

She raised her brows in confusion. "Trying to recover your memory?"

"No." A pause. "Talking to my ex."

The words made Sarah's throat seize up. Her stomach threatened to flip inside-out and she clenched onto the steering wheel to steady herself.

"I don't want to make this awkward for you, Sarah," he said.

_Too late._ Sarah felt like the road in front of her just dipped and her gut sank with dread.

"Were we happy together?"

Sarah bit down on her lower lip. "It was the best five years of my life," she confessed, and held her breath in an attempt to keep the tears from falling. With one hand on the steering wheel she used the other to pull a pair of shades out of her bag, which she slipped hastily over her eyes.

Chuck frowned. "I thought we only dated for four."

Sarah couldn't respond. Ellie must have told him that.

There was too much to explain and knowing the chances he would believe her only discouraged her further. She was grateful when Chuck dropped the subject. Let him think what he will.

"So why did we break up?"

Sarah knew it was safe to look at Chuck without him suspecting her emotional state but she couldn't risk it, not even with the tinted sunglasses. Looking into those inquisitive eyes now, having him ask her about their past as if he'd never been a part of it…it was like grinding glass shards into a fresh wound.

"Would you believe me if I said we didn't?" she asked quietly.

Chuck looked as if he was about to contradict her but he settled into his seat and looked out the window instead. He didn't but he wasn't in the mood to argue.

Sarah missed the days when he would have just trusted her on blind faith alone.

"Do you know where I work now?"

Sarah sighed, grateful for the change in subject. "Yeah, you work downtown."

"Working with computers in an office?" he asked, arching a brow at her.

She smiled. "Why is that so hard to believe? You love computers and you're great with them."

"I don't know, when Carmen told me about it, it didn't sound that fulfilling." Chuck stared at her but she refused to betray her emotions. "I'm sorry. It just slipped out."

Sarah shrugged. "That's fine. It doesn't bother me," she said, the first lie of the day. "She seems like a great girl."

The words made her cringe. _God, what was she saying? _

"You've met her?" Chuck asked, evidently surprised.

Sarah chewed on her lips. She was getting sloppy. "Yeah, a few times." She could see she was confusing him now, the stories weren't matching up. "And you love your job," she added, desperately trying to steer the conversation back into neutral territory.

Chuck looked relieved. "Really?"

"Yeah, I mean it's not your dream job but it pays well and you won't have to work there forever." She gave him an encouraging smile. Even before the operation Chuck had doubted himself more than he should. "When you and Morgan polish up that game you two are designing you won't have to work there anymore."

"Morgan!" Chuck nearly bolted out of his seat. He gripped her by the arm and laughed. "Oh, Sarah, you don't know how relieved I am!"

Sarah did her best to remain focused on the road, but his sudden touch startled her, bringing with it all the memories of moments that were no longer. To him it was just a simple gesture but for her it was so much more.

"I thought we weren't friends any more and when Carmen asked who Morgan was, I panicked." Chuck smiled at her, wider than she'd ever seen. "Thank you so much, Sarah."

"I didn't do anything," she said, trying to find her voice. His hand lingered on her arm but eventually he let go and placed it over his leg. She stared without meaning to, recalling the times when he drove with one hand so he could use the other to hold hers. It was always the little things that hurt the most, the things that came so naturally--habitually, that she never thought she would miss.

For a moment Sarah thought he was going to ask her about their past again, but when Chuck asked instead about his little friend, she was grateful to provide him with the answers. It just felt safer talking about the people they knew and not themselves.

_

"This is where we ended our first date," she said, walking down the sandy beach. Chuck followed, looking lost and disoriented. "You don't remember…do you?"

Sarah was grateful for the sunglasses. When he shook his head, disappointment came in the form of hot, stinging tears. The site wasn't just where they ended their first date, it was the scene of many other dates thereafter, the place where the Bartowski's had come to picnic, the place where he'd proposed. And now it felt like none of that had happened, like the last five years had just been one big dream.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Sarah sighed. "It's not your fault." At this point, she wasn't even sure who she wanted to blame.

She collapsed down onto the soft sand, burying her bare feet in its warmth. Chuck sat down beside her and together they watched the waves crash against the shores and then disappear.

"I quit my job." Sarah stared at the waves; she knew it didn't mean anything to him but she thought he should know.

"Were you tired of it?"

"I was given a choice." _And I chose you._

"Are you happier now?"

Sarah looked at him, still clinging to the security of her shades. He was so close she could feel the warmth that radiated from his skin. It was the perfect moment behind the romantic backdrop of the sand and the waves, but all of it had lost its meaning.

She should never have let him go through with the operation. It had been his idea and the agency backed him, knowing full well it would free up their best agents for other missions. Torn by opposing loyalties, she'd promised herself to both sides.

Now she'd lost both. Sarah was sure they'd be teaching all the recruits at the academy not to follow in the same follies. Proverbs were there for a reason; you couldn't have your cake and eat it too.

"Here." She fished inside her jacket pocket and pulled out a sleek, black cell phone.

Chuck studied it. "Is that my cell?"

_Minus any compromising data. _Unwilling to allow their personal life to be rifled through by someone else, Sarah had tortured herself with removing the incriminating files.

She stole a glance at him while he looked down at the phone. Sarah had no one to blame but herself if she thought reconnecting with Chuck was difficult. She had been meticulous in her cleaning; that part she had planned well.

An invisible hand reached up to her throat as she considered her next words. She could say 'I'm sorry' in ten different languages, but somehow those words felt cheap and flat. She wanted to tell him everything, the absolute truth--even the things she wasn't proud of, clinging onto the faint hope that something might bring him back.

_He wanted this. You can't undo it. _

Sarah had to remind herself of that over and over again before she relented and settled on something less honest but more acceptable.

"You had it on you the day of the accident. They kept it apart from your other belongings and must have forgotten to return it to you when you were discharged."

He pocketed the phone with a grin. "And you came all this way to return it to me?"

"No-" she paused as she saw his mischievous grin. He was teasing her now and she realized just how sorely she missed it. Sarah smiled and removed her glasses, staring into the blinding sun.

"Thank you."

"For what?" she asked, closing her eyes.

"For the first time since the accident, I'm finally getting some answers. Things are finally starting to make a sense." He grinned at her. "You're giving me back my life."

With eyes still closed, Sarah smiled wanly. A life, yes, but not the life they'd talked about.

"Chuck, will you do something for me?" When he didn't respond, she knew he had agreed. "Could you close your eyes for a moment?"

Sarah counted three full seconds, and then opened her eyes. Sure enough, his were closed.

She gazed at him, holding nothing back, safe in the knowledge that he would never see her tears. And for however brief of a moment, Sarah could pretend that none of this had happened.

This was just a lazy afternoon, and she was just a girl sitting at the beach with the man she loved.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Chuck could easily see himself falling for a girl like Sarah. Aside from the obvious physical attraction, she was the first person he felt comfortable with, the only one who had been forthcoming with answers to his questions. True there were things about her that made Chuck wary, but what mattered was that he _wanted _to believe her.

An entire afternoon passed at the beach. They talked—or rather Chuck did to fill the gap. Something about the place made Sarah more melancholy than ever and eventually she lapsed into complete silence. Even so, he knew she was listening when she tilted her head in his direction, the sad smile never far from her face.

Eventually Chuck obliged her and sat in quiet reflection. Sarah looked like she had a lot on her mind and he knew he had a lot to think over too. Still, despite being almost strangers, the silence was amiable. It felt good to have her there. She was the calm center in his world of chaos.

Chuck would have gladly spent the rest of his day with Sarah, even if they just sat staring at the ocean, but a certain someone was returning home at five.

He didn't have to say anything. When the time came, Sarah seemed to know. She just turned to him, smiled sadly, and said, "I guess it's time."

.

Sarah dropped him off at his apartment. Chuck wasn't sure what to say to her, and in the end he got out of the car with only a goodbye. No promise of catching up again or calling her anytime soon. Just goodbye.

She smiled half-heartedly and drove away. Chuck stood with his hands in his pockets, watching and wondering if it would be the last time they saw each other. She may have gotten the closure she needed, but it wasn't enough for Chuck. His chest tightened at the thought of losing her a third time; the first he wasn't sure, the second was all her, but this time he could only blame himself.

Chuck wanted to linger, even to call her back, but the fear of Carmen discovering where he'd been all day took precedence. Once Sarah was out of sight, he ran for the elevator.

_

Carmen was waiting for him when Chuck walked through the door. He snuck a glance at the clock; only a minute past five. Either she had come home early or she was a stickler about being punctual.

"Where have you been?" Chuck knew he was in trouble when he saw her stance. She had her arms crossed over her chest and the look of utmost disapproval on her face. Suddenly he felt like he was five years old again.

"Just out," he said. When he saw that her posture was still as rigid as five seconds ago, he swallowed nervously. "I needed some fresh air. And I just took a walk. Around the block, just down the road…" He wasn't sure if she believed him so he just kept talking. "The air was really good. It was really fresh. I really enjoyed it."

He flashed her a goofy grin, hoping it would be enough to appease her.

"I told you not to leave the apartment. You said you wouldn't!"

Chuck flinched at the accusation. "I'm sorry." He was getting so sick of having to say that. "But I'm home now."

"Don't leave again." Carmen stepped up to him, grabbing him by the shoulders. For a girl as thin as she was, she had a surprisingly strong grip. "Don't go anywhere without telling me. You got that?"

Chuck balked. "I won't get lost, Carmen," he said, laughing nervously. "I know I don't remember a lot but I know how to get home."

The woman's gaze softened. "You know I care about you, Chuck. And I know I've been a little hard on you lately."

Chuck tried to look friendly as he pried her hands off of him, hoping she wouldn't feel inclined to squeeze his shoulders any harder than she already was.

"I'm not good at this, you know."

"The overprotective girlfriend thing?" he asked, hoping she would take it as a joke. "No, you've got it covered."

Carmen frowned, missing his sarcasm. "No, I mean this whole relationship thing. I'm not good at relationships. I don't really _share_ with other people."

Chuck stared at her, wondering how much he could believe. "Tell me how we met again." The question took her off guard. For a moment Chuck saw things in her eyes he never thought he would; vulnerability, fear—and then nothing. Carmen's defenses had recouped.

Her recovery impressed him; Chuck had seen it before in only one other person.

Carmen sighed, crossing her arms again. "I already went over this."

Chuck gazed at her trying to imagine their first meeting. He wondered how many jaws had dropped when Carmen, a woman who could have had any man in the room, had chosen him. For some reason he felt unaffected by the thought.

"I just want to remember," he said. "Can't you help me?"

Chuck imagined himself sitting hopelessly at the nerd herd desk, bored out of his mind. He could easily see himself engrossed in a carefully concealed comic book, the top half of which would be covered by the store directory manual. Then the service bell at the counter would ring. He would raise his head slowly, self-consciously readjust his tie as he faced her—and she would take his breath away.

Startled by who had come to mind, Chuck flushed with guilt.

Carmen didn't seem to notice. Her thin lips pressed tightly together before she said, "I really didn't expect myself to care about you as much as I do."

Chuck frowned. "That's it? That's all you can say?"

She tilted her chin as she looked up at him. Even though she came only to his nose, Chuck felt like he was the one being looked down on. "Let's not fight, Chuck."

Chuck wanted to laugh; he didn't stand a chance. She could accuse him of anything she wanted and he had nothing to go on.

Reluctantly he nodded. If there had been a fight, he would have lost hands down.

"Good." She stroked his cheek just as Sarah had once done, but the mimicry was incomplete. Chuck couldn't even put it into words but the thought alone caused another wave of guilt to wash over him.

"Now kiss me."

Chuck blinked. "What?"

"Kiss me," she repeated, the demanding tone no different the second time. "I'm your girlfriend and I've had a long day. That's what boyfriends do."

Chuck wanted to protest but he decided he really shouldn't argue. He obliged, kissing her swiftly on the cheek and then looked guiltily away.

Carmen raised a brow. "That's it?"

"I'm sorry. That's all I can give right now." The look that crossed Carmen's face made Chuck feel even worse but he didn't feel like she gave him much of a choice.

"Fine." She brushed off her disappointment and turned away. "Help me with dinner?"

Chuck nodded. At least that was something he could do.

_

Chuck tried to put the last few days behind them and did his best not to create anymore friction, which meant no questions about the past, and no contradicting Carmen. He tried to brighten her mood, even daring to crack a few jokes about accountants, and conversed with her as he would any stranger, sticking to neutral topics and never making it personal. His tactic worked.

Carmen's defenses crumbled little by little so that by the time they finished washing the dishes, she was even able to smile up at him and laugh without restraint. And for all of two hours, Chuck believed they were a normal couple.

Then the time came for them to part ways and the awkwardness he'd been trying to avoid set back in. There was little else to distract them in the apartment and Chuck never thought Carmen to be the talking type.

"I have some reports I should probably fill out," she said, giving him a way out. "I guess I should do that. Unless..."

Carmen waited, leaving the option out there.

Chuck gulped, clearing his throat even though there was no need to. "Yeah. I'm pretty tired," he said, taking the easy way out. He wondered if the lie was as obvious to her as it was to him.

"Okay." Carmen shrugged, trying not to look like it mattered. "Good night then." She looked up at him; waiting.

Chuck cleared his throat again. "Yeah. Good night." He leaned down towards her and pressed his lips to hers. A touch and then it was over.

_

Chuck lay down on his bed and tried to process everything that he knew. Five years in the future, Chuck had finally quit his job at the Buy-More and moved out. He was designing a game on the side with Morgan. He had an ex-girlfriend who strained his relationship with Ellie and a girlfriend who turned her affections on and off like a light switch.

Chuck didn't feel like he knew himself anymore. Sarah had hinted that their relationship may not have been over, but no matter how bad things were between him and Carmen, he didn't want to believe that he was the kind of person who cheated.

Chuck sighed. There were definitely some changes that would take a long time getting used to.

He took out the pictures of him and Sarah again from their hiding place. Having long committed the images to memory, Chuck stared at each of them anyway, trying to find something he'd missed. It was hard to believe that a handful of photographs were the only clues he had to the life he once led.

He imagined her laughing as he told her one of his jokes, or blushing at a well-meaning but awkwardly attempted compliment. He noticed the little things, her hand placed protectively over his chest in one, his hand covering hers in another, but always in every photo they were touching.

It all felt so right.

Chuck traced the outline of her face, trying to match it to the Sarah he knew. It was so hard without her smile, and he felt ill knowing he was probably the cause.

He fished his pockets for the cell that Sarah returned to him. It took some getting used to but after a few minutes he had the main screen open.

Chuck wasn't sure whether or not to be surprised when the background turned out to be a boring generic standard. Asking for a photo of him and Carmen together was probably too much.

He toggled under contacts and searched under 'M', relieved when the first name that came up was that of his best friend. He pressed call and waited on bated breath.

The phone picked up after only the first ring. "Chuck!" came the excited voice on the other end. "Where have you been, man? I've called you at least a hundred times!"

Chuck gave a sigh of relief. It was good to know that some things didn't ever change.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

Barely able to contain his excitement at breakfast the next morning, Chuck did his best to appear nonchalant as he mentioned off-handedly to Carmen that Morgan was going to meet him. On her part, Carmen only looked confused.

"Morgan."

"Who?" she asked, distractedly filling a travel mug with coffee.

"My friend, Morgan," he repeated. Sarah had known exactly who Morgan was.

"Okay," she said. "As long as you don't leave the house and he's gone by five." She kissed him on the lips just as he was about to protest, making it clear that the decision wasn't open to negotiation. "Be good." She grabbed her bag and left for work at eight sharp, the second hand on the clock passing the number twelve just as the door clicked shut.

.

Chuck waited downstairs for Morgan to show. He was expecting his friend to ride over on a bike or perhaps upgraded to a scooter--certainly not in the nerd herd vehicle that pulled up in front of the building doors.

Morgan looked surprisingly mature in a dress shirt and black work pants. "Hop in, Chuck!" he greeted, unlocking the passenger door.

"Is it safe for you to be behind the wheel?" Chuck asked, but jumped in without a second thought.

Sitting with Morgan, Chuck felt as if he hadn't lost any time at all. Under the guise of neatly trimmed facial hair and wrinkle-free clothes, Morgan was living proof that getting older didn't always equate to growing up. His sense of humor was the same, and Chuck was relieved his friend still found the same jokes from 2007 hilarious now. Had Morgan picked him up from the airport instead of Ellie, Chuck would have lived with the delusion that nothing had changed.

During the car ride, of which the safety during certain lane exchanges was questionable, Morgan compressed the last five years into a fifteen minute run-down. Chuck listened and smiled to himself. While Morgan embellished the details of his promotion to manager at the Buy-More a little over a year ago and how he'd finally moved out of his mom's basement, he seemed to have left out any details that might paint an otherwise humbler picture. Now that Chuck had lost his memories, he would probably never know what really happened.

Once caught up, Morgan wanted to talk about only one thing for the rest of the car ride. Their baby.

"Wait until you see the game, you'll love it!" he declared, speeding through a school zone. "Man, you're so lucky, Chuck. You can test the game out on yourself; it'll all be new to you."

Chuck smiled wryly. "Gee thanks, Morgan. That's exactly why I took the fall."

"Yeah, you're great, man. I knew you'd take one for the team," he jibed and Chuck had to laugh.

_

Chuck was impressed by the outside of Morgan's apartment complex. It looked so…mature and sophisticated. He felt a little inadequate standing next to his little friend. Then they entered his actual room and Chuck realized his worries were for naught. It was filled with what Carmen would have deemed 'messy junk'. There was 'messy junk' everywhere. And garbage too.

"Yeah, don't mind the mess," Morgan said, wading through the piles of pizza boxes strewn on the floor with a most distinguished air of nonchalance. "I just don't get it. It just grows and grows." He threw his hands up in the air, at a loss for what to do.

Chuck held his laughter. "Yeah, I think that's when you need to take out the trash."

He followed Morgan into the living room where it looked like he spent ninety percent of his time. Three giant computer monitors, a cluster of wires that resembled a big bowl of spaghetti and an array of game controllers covered the large work-desk.

Morgan plopped down in the executive chair, plugging away at the keyboard. "Wait until you see this…" he said, already mesmerized by the large amount of code that appeared on the screen. Chuck sat down beside him and scanned the room.

He couldn't help it, his eyes closed in on the collection of game consoles and game cases that were partially hidden by a tower of cardboard boxes.

"Do we play a lot of video games?"

Judging by the look Morgan shot him, it was a rhetorical question.

"Do you we ever play games at my place?"

"No."

Chuck wasn't surprised but he still felt like he should ask. "Why not?"

Morgan shrugged. "I don't know. You don't really spend a lot of time at your place."

"I spend all my time here?"

"Yeah. Or you're busy doing other stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

Morgan shrugged again. Chuck wished he would stop staring at the computer monitor like a zombie but he knew at some point in their friendship he was guilty of doing the same.

"Okay. Here, here, here." Morgan pointed at the screen like a child at the candy store as the game began to load. "Okay, let me walk you through this." He handed Chuck one of the controllers and leaned back in the chair. "You're the main character, Ned."

Chuck burst out laughing. "Ned? I didn't think people still named their kids Ned."

Morgan nodded and laughed with him. "Hey, don't look at me. You were the one who came up with the name."

Chuck wrinkled his brows. Even if it wasn't true, he would have to take Morgan's word on it.

"So Ned works at a Best Buy."

"A what?"

Morgan rolled his eyes. He leaned towards Chuck and said in a loud conspirative whisper, "The Buy-More."

Chuck couldn't help but smile. "Are we basing this game on ourselves?"

Morgan's eyes were bright with excitement. "You'd think so right?" he cheered. "But Ned's not like any other slob at the Best Buy. He's got government secrets in his head."

Chuck raised his brows. "Well that's certainly different."

"I know!" Morgan slapped him on the back, giddy with excitement. "So now to protect him, the CIA and the NSA send their best to protect him. They're a crime-fighting trio."

The screen changed and the main character, Ned, appeared on the screen. He was tall and lanky, not unlike Chuck himself. He smiled as he maneuvered the figure around the layout of what was obviously their former Buy-More, stopping short as two new characters appeared on the screen.

"So that's Jenny, she's from the CIA. And the man's John, he's from the NSA." Morgan shook his head, laughing again. "Jenny and John. I don't know where you got these names, man."

Chuck dropped the controller and leaned in so close his nose nearly touched the monitor. There was something familiar about the characters but he couldn't tell what specifically. Jenny had brown hair and brown eyes, but shared neither a resemblance to Carmen nor Jill. The character John looked familiar too but he didn't know anyone they might have based him on.

Morgan pointed to the character on the screen. "Yeah, it's funny. That guy looks a lot like this old neighbor of Ellie's. He used to work at the Buy-More with us." Morgan looked like he might have been on to something, but thought against it and shrugged.

Chuck didn't make a sound. He was still staring at the female agent. He felt like he knew her and the frustration of not knowing was as if he were deaf and the name was being screamed at him. He thought it he stared for a few more hours it might come to him.

With the controller freed, Morgan took over, giving Chuck a run-through while he played. Chuck watched their character Ned dodge danger, weaponless and powerless with his protectors yelling behind him. There was a definite sense of danger playing a character as helpless as Ned but all the stages, as Morgan explained, could be solved without muscles or gun power.

Chuck sat and watched in awe. "This is really amazing, Morgan. We made this?"

Morgan nodded, his eyes still focused on the screen. "Yeah. It was all you, Chuck. I still can't believe you thought of something so ingenious."

Chuck frowned. "Me?" he asked, sitting up straight in the chair.

"Yeah, all you!" Morgan cried, whooping as Ned narrowly dodged being captured by a rogue agent. "Yeah, you came up with the story line, all the names—you even designed the characters."

Chuck looked at Jenny again as she ran across the game screen. He couldn't explain it but she felt real to him, more real than any character he'd ever played.

"How did I come up with all this?"

Morgan shrugged. "You just thought it up one day…probably sitting at the nerd herd desk, doodling on a napkin…"

Chuck didn't buy it. Yeah, he daydreamed a lot at work, it wasn't exactly stimulating sitting at the service desk—but creating the concept, designing the characters, making something this _real? _He sighed, wishing his memories would come already so he wouldn't have to sit in the dark all the time.

Morgan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You okay, buddy?"

"Yeah." Chuck smiled at his friend. "I'm just really glad I have a friend as great as you."

Morgan grinned, obviously pleased. "I know."

Chuck laughed at his friend's wealth of modesty. He grabbed one of the other controllers and held it up. "Now, did we make the game two-player?"

_

Chuck and Morgan ordered pizza and spent the rest of the afternoon playing in front of the TV. It didn't matter that one held a respectable job in an office downtown and the other was a manager at a Buy-More; it was a lazy afternoon all over again and they were best friends with too much time on their hands.

Chuck almost forgot he had somewhere to be until he saw the clock overhead display in big angry numbers: four-thirty. "Shoot, I have to go home." He laughed when he heard himself say the words. He was a grown man and he still had a curfew.

"No problem. I'll give you a ride." Morgan looked ready to stand up, but then his eyes suddenly filled with mischief. "As soon as I'm done my grape soda."

"But you just finished the can of grape—" Before Chuck could finish his sentence, Morgan popped open a fresh can, causing sugar-laden liquid to foam at the opening. He took a giant gulp, slamming the can down with an exaggerated sigh of contentment.

Chuck shook his head, smiling all the way. He was going to be in so much trouble.

_

Morgan angled in and out of rush-hour traffic, surprising and horrifying Chuck in equal measure with his seemingly superhuman reflexes. They pulled out in front of Chuck's apartment with the car clock reading just a quarter after five.

They made good time but Chuck still groaned inwardly, knowing Carmen was already home.

"So, we'll hang out soon then?" Morgan asked, his eyes looking as hopeful as a lonesome puppy.

"You bet."

"No business trips planned in the near future?"

Chuck laughed. He was going to steer clear of danger, minus Morgan's driving, for the foreseeable future. "See you later, Morgan."

He opened the car door and was just about to step out when his friend pulled him back.

"Hey, I forgot something." Morgan fished inside the pocket of his black Buy-More blazer, handing Chuck a small velvet box.

Chuck's eyes widened to saucer-like proportions. With such narrow dimensions, there was only one thing it could be. "Wow," he gasped.

Morgan chuckled. "I know, right?"

He looked at his friend in horror. "Why are you giving this to me?"

"You gave it to me just before you left on your trip for safe-keeping. Said something big was going to happen and you wanted me to have it just in case."

"In case of what?" Chuck looked at Morgan with alarm, resisting the urge to shake an answer out of him. "Did I know something?"

"Whoa, Chuck, calm down!" Morgan patted his arm, trying to reassure his friend. "Look, you said so yourself, it was just a business trip. What happened was an accident."

Chuck opened the box and stared down, wishing he had left a message--something, anything, that could guide him.

"Did I say who the ring was for?"

Morgan was at a loss for words. "Sorry, Chuck." He shook his head. "You didn't say. You just asked me to hold onto it for you."

"Have you met my girlfriend?"

There was a pause, then Morgan said her name. The wrong name. "Carmen? Yeah, I've met her once or twice. She's never made a real effort to know your friends, which is definitely her loss. I could have been a real asset to her you know, given her all the information on my best friend…"

Chuck smiled despite himself.

"I don't want to say this, Chuck, but as your friend…" Morgan hesitated which was completely uncharacteristic for him. Morgan told him everything, and then some. "I always thought you and Sarah—" He hesitated again. "I thought she was the one for you, man. Then you two broke up and you just started fading away."

Chuck frowned. "_After_ I broke up with Sarah?"

"Yeah. You quit your job, moved out…I saw you but you were always so distracted. We haven't played video games like that in awhile. You always had somewhere to run after we finished programming."

Chuck wished he knew where that was. It would explain so much.

"I never asked but I always wondered what you were up to. And then you showed up at my place a few weeks back, the happiest I've seen you. You gave me the box and told me to hold onto it for safekeeping and I didn't hear from you for the longest time."

"Chuck?" Morgan touched his friend's arm, jerking Chuck from his thoughts. "You okay?"

No. Chuck's thoughts were a jumbled mess. "Was I going to marry Carmen?"

Morgan was quiet. "I don't know. I guess so. You never said." After a pause, he touched his friend's arm again. "You okay, Chuck?"

Chuck shook his head. "I don't remember who was supposed to wear this ring."

* * *

_A/N: If you didn't catch it, Ned is a tribute to TV's other Chuck on 'pushing daisies' and that quote is a nod to the banter between chuck and sarah in the pilot. _


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: short chapter i know, but hey it's the weekend. i'll make it up in the next chapter, i promise. I think there'll be 15 chapters to this story so the end is in sight! _

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_Chapter 12:

The clock read a quarter to six when Chuck walked through the door. Almost immediately, Carmen's voice assaulted his ears.

"Where have you been?" she cried, storming up to him. "I told you not to leave the house!"

Chuck kept quiet. The velvet box hidden deep within his jacket pocket felt like a lead weight.

"Where did you go? Do you have any idea how scared I was?" When Chuck raised his eyes, she looked more angry than frightened. Her brown eyes glowed dark with fury.

"Carmen. Be honest with me for a second." Whether it was the quietness of his voice or the hollow look in his eyes, something got her attention. She took a step back and held her barrage of questions.

"Are we really dating?"

Carmen stood like she was prepared to engage in a fight, her fists clenched tight and every muscle in her body taunt.

She took a deep breath. "Yes." Her lips trembled as she uttered the single word. "Of course we are."

Chuck nodded slowly. Her admission was as good as a confession.

"Are you hiding something from me?"

She tensed again. "No."

Another lie.

"I know about the gun. I found it under the fridge."

Carmen's eyes fluttered and she sighed. "Okay," she said, allowing defeat to enter her voice for the first time.

Chuck balked. "Okay?" he asked. "I found a gun under the fridge and all you can say is _okay_?"

"Yes. It's my gun," she said matter-of-factly. "I needed it to protect you."

Of all the things he expected her to say, he never saw this coming. "Who do I need protection from? I'm just a guy who fixes computers and plays video games on the side."

Carmen's eyes darkened. "You know I can't tell you."

Chuck couldn't hold his frustration in any longer. "No, actually I don't because I don't _remember_ anything, Carmen. Have you forgotten that?"

"No, I remember it very clearly," she said, stressing every syllable. Chuck never realized how dangerous Carmen could appear when she wanted to. The way she bared her teeth reminded him of a carnivore staking out its prey. "All you need to know is that you are safe and I have everything under control."

It wasn't good enough. "Tell me about Sarah."

Recognition and surprise flickered across Carmen's features. If Chuck hadn't watched closely, he would have missed it. "I don't know who that is."

"You're lying again," Chuck said, trying not to tremble in his shoes. Carmen's eyes glowered dangerously at the accusation. "Was Sarah the friend that introduced us?"

Carmen bristled at his words. "Back off, Chuck," she warned.

"I don't like lies and I don't like secrets, Carmen," he warned, allowing his voice to rise. "So tell me. Tell me everything—the truth this time. What happened to me, was that an accident?"

Carmen stood her ground. "Lying is what your life is all about. It's what you're good at," she spat. "That and keeping secrets. _Lots_ and _lots_ of secrets."

Hot blood coursed through Chuck's veins. His heart pumped so hard and fast he could hear each pulsation like a drum against his ear.

"No."

No, it couldn't be. He wasn't like that.

Recalling Ellie's tears, he knew that Carmen wasn't saying it to be vindictive. It was true; it was why he was so evasive and distant with those closest to him. "Not anymore."

Carmen sighed loudly and for a long time it was the only sound in the entire apartment. "You're right, not anymore." Her dark eyes suddenly melted into chocolate brown. "It's not my job to make you believe, Chuck, it's my job to protect you."

Carmen excused herself, retreating to the sanctuary of her bedroom. When he heard the door click shut, Chuck realized she wasn't going to tell him anything—ever.

Disappointment crashed over him like a tidal wave, sweeping him far away from his ideations. Chuck's hand reached for the still concealed velvet box, but he couldn't bring himself to take it out.

They'd talked downstairs, Morgan and him, but his best friend couldn't help him. Chuck had been too evasive with the people in his life, and now no one could help him fill in the blanks.

"_Don't worry, you'll know,"_ Morgan had said.

Chuck had wanted to scream but he knew it wasn't Morgan's fault. _"How? I don't know anything anymore."_

"_Because it's you. You'll know when it's right." _

_Right…_Chuck rolled his eyes. Things were looking real good here.

Chuck was fully prepared to burst into Carmen's room and demand an explanation. He'd even conjured a little speech to help himself, but just as he was about to knock on her door, he stopped.

No. This wasn't going to work. He knew before he even tried that Carmen wasn't going to tell him anything; she'd made that very clear. If he wanted answers, he would have to look elsewhere.

Only one person came to mind. Pulling out his cell phone, Chuck scrolled through the contacts. A flood of relief filled him when he found the number listed. As Chuck dialed and waited on the ring tone, he realized Morgan was right. He did know. He'd known all along. He only prayed it was not too late.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: A big thanks to everyone who took the time to write a review. I really appreciate it. If i weren't for you guys, i wouldn't even know that carmen was unlikeable (hmm...maybe not but confirmation is always good). I wanted to get this chapter out earlier because hey, mondays suck, but this was so difficult to write_. _I know i'm writing for myself but i really wanted you guys to like it too, and i'm sure everyone has their own expectations for how things would play out...Anyways, i'm just rambling now, so here it is. _

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_Chapter 13: _  
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Chuck stepped into the café, walking obliviously past the large chalkboard menu and brightly lit pastry display. His eyes roved in the dark ambient light, searching through the crowd. He found her easily at a table in the corner, her golden hair like a beacon calling out to him.

He waved nervously and she smiled, returning the gesture with one of her own.

"Thank you for coming," he said, slightly out of breath.

If she was the very image of serenity, then he was the perfect example of nerves. His legs felt like jelly as he sank into the empty chair across from her.

She smiled again; soft and warm. "Of course," she said and shrugged it off as if it was nothing.

Chuck gulped nervously, trying in vain to calm himself. The waiter appeared and he ordered a drink even though the state of his anxiety advised otherwise.

Then it was just the two of them again.

"So—"

"I didn't—"

They both stopped and looked at each other, waiting for the other to begin.

"Please, you were saying?" Chuck took the moment to catch his breath.

She looked into his eyes, then down at the table. "I didn't…" She hesitated again, but the smile was still there. A good sign, Chuck hoped. "I didn't think you would want to see me again. After last time." Her words grew softer still as she looked back at him, her eyes clear and frank. "I'd hoped you would call."

Chuck gulped. "Why wouldn't I want to see you again?" Before she even answered, a dozen reasons rang in his mind; all in Ellie's disapproving tone. None of them seemed good enough though.

She looked at him, her lips twitching as if about to speak, only to press them tightly together and respond with a shrug. Chuck nodded quietly to himself. Perhaps it was better that she remained silent.

"So," Chuck said. "How are you? Where are you staying?"

Her eyes brightened. "At a hotel a couple blocks down." She tilted her head, vaguely indicating a direction. "The décor is very… _green_."

Chuck had no idea what she was saying but he burst out in laughter anyway. She wrinkled her brows, and then joined him with her own laugh. He decided then that it was his favorite sound. It was soft and melodic, like a perfectly strummed chord on a guitar and once he'd heard it, he wanted to hear it always.

The thought gave him pause.

He drank in the sight of her, composing a mental picture of her pale golden hair caught in loose curls, and the cerulean of her eyes dancing with amusement. She was more alive than he'd ever seen her. Even her posture was endearing; a casual pose, one open palm supporting her cheek as she tilted her head to the side. This was the Sarah he'd been searching for.

She said something to him but he didn't hear it. All he could think was how he could get used to this—all of it.

Suddenly his coffee arrived and the moment faded. She sat back straight in her chair and Chuck tore his eyes away from her to thank the waiter.

"Sorry, you were saying?" Chuck took the coffee and hid his face behind it so she wouldn't suspect his inattention.

Sarah toyed with the handle of her mug, stalling for time. "Did something happen, Chuck?" she finally asked, looking up at him. "Did you remember something?"

Chuck was afraid to see the look of hope in her eyes, but she hid her emotions well. That or she had learned to drastically lower her expectations.

"No. Why?"

Sarah looked around the room and shrugged, her shoulders sagging a little. "I just thought, of all the places you could have chosen…" She smiled a little. "I guess it was just a coincidence, huh?"

The realization sank in slowly. He wasn't really sure why he chose the place either. When he asked her to meet him, the café was the first thing that popped into his head.

"Did we come here a lot?"

She smiled and pointed to the cup. "You ordered your usual." She was staring at him now, searching for something in his eyes. "Just a coincidence, right?"

Chuck wished he could tell her different. "It just…felt right," he said. "Sorry."

She nodded, but for all her skill, the disappointment was impossible to hide.

"It's quite a run from my place to here," he remarked, trying to cheer her up. Sarah laughed. "I must have been in great shape, huh?"

"It came in handy," she said softly. A smile wavered on her face then collapsed.

_I'm sure I have no idea. _Chuck took a nervous gulp of his coffee. He didn't want to break the moment, but he had to say it. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, Sarah."

She froze and her eyes widened in alarm. "Chuck—"

"You don't have to say anything. You just have to listen." Sarah relaxed a little, giving Chuck just enough confidence to continue. "I still don't remember anything but I can guess. I've had to do a lot of guessing." He reached out, stopping just short of clasping her hands. "I have no idea where I work, I don't know what I do in my spare time, I don't even know how to use the features on my phone—but I do know that things aren't quite right."

Chuck paused but Sarah's expression was indecipherable. "You acted like you didn't know me, and then you come back and tell me we've never broken up."

Sarah winced, tensing the muscles in her jaw. Her calm exterior threatened on the verge of collapse.

"Chuck…" she sighed. "I—"

"My girlfriend doesn't know anything about me. We have separate bedrooms and she acts like she wants me one minute and hates me the next."

Sarah frowned. "She _wants_ you?" she asked, the slightest hint of annoyance in her voice.

Chuck failed to notice however. "I'm not close with my sister anymore and Morgan says I'm always busy and trying to be someplace. No one seems to know anything and you…" He stopped and stared at her, taking her by surprise. "You said you were sorry."

Sarah looked away, unable to hold his gaze. "Yeah, I am," she said, her words lost in a long drawn out sigh.

"What are you sorry for?"

She turned sharply and looked at him again, her eyes dark like a storm. Her lips twitched but she was mute.

"It's okay," he said and took a deep breath. "I think I know."

Sarah tilted her head, evidently surprised. "You do?"

"Yeah." Chuck took a deep breath before plunging into uncharted territory. "I hung out with Morgan and played that game we were designing together. It was about a guy who had government secrets stuck in his head." He paused, letting it sink in for her. "You were sent by the CIA to protect me, weren't you?" he asked in a cautious whisper.

He wasn't even sure she heard him until he saw the change that came over her. She sat as rigid as a statue and the color seemed to drain from her face. Only her eyes expressed any hint of life while the rest of her was paralyzed with astonishment.

As ridiculous as the idea had been, Chuck knew he was right when Sarah didn't respond. He had designed that character after her.

"Chuck…" she whispered softly, and reached across the table.

Chuck looked down, interlacing his fingers with hers. It was a perfect fit. "You pretended to be my girlfriend so it would be easier to be around me."

Sarah didn't say anything. She couldn't.

"But as time went on we developed feelings for each other." Chuck didn't wait for her to answer. Her eyes said it all. "It wasn't an accident, what happened in Washington. I wasn't on a business trip. I did it to get rid of those secrets."

Sarah's eyes began to fill with tears but she remained silent.

"And it worked. Too well." Chuck reached across the table and used his thumb to wipe the tears from her cheeks, his other hand still firmly caught in hers.

Sarah smiled grimly at him. Finally she let go and leaned against the back of her chair, wiping the rest of her tears herself. She stared at the corner but her eyes were distant and lost in thought.

Chuck held his breath as he waited to hear her speak. Maybe he had guessed wrong, but it felt right.

"It took them four years to suspect something," she finally said. Sarah chose her words carefully and they were vague at best, but Chuck understood. "It was frowned upon. They wanted to introduce someone else."

"Carmen," he mouthed, careful not to say the name out loud.

She smiled wanly. "You went along with it. I stuck around but they wouldn't let me—" she stopped, unsure how to fill in the blanks.

"It's okay." Chuck took over, imaging what came next. "I went along with it but we never ended things. And I couldn't tell my sister or my friends. It was a secret."

She closed her eyes and nodded. It was their secret, a secret even greater than the ones that were once in his head.

"It wasn't enough," Chuck realized. "We couldn't be together until those secrets were out of my head. It wasn't an accident, was it?"

Sarah shook her head, a look of guilt painted on her face. "I'm so sorry, Chuck."

Chuck didn't understand at first, but reading her expression he came to the awful realization. "You were going to leave." She couldn't look him in the eye, and she made no attempt to deny it. "When I forgot about you, you were going to return to the agency."

Sarah began to cry in earnest, hiding her tears behind a curtain of long, blond hair. Aside from her subtle trembling and soft whimpers, the other patrons of the shop were none the wiser but for Chuck, the sight was enough to twist his insides.

"Sarah," Chuck reached out, gripping her by the wrist and forcing her to look at him. "Hey, Sarah, come on."

She looked up at him, her face flush with emotion. "Why are you smiling?"

Chuck took her hand, wrapping his over hers. "You quit your job." Chuck allowed his smile to grow until it reached from ear to ear. "You came back to me."

Sarah stared at him in complete and utter disbelief. She didn't ask for his forgiveness and she didn't need to. Chuck's smile said it all.

"I know my feelings for you aren't the same as before. I know I don't love you the way I used to," Chuck said. They both flinched, but it was the truth. Sarah nodded, urging him to go on with a brave smile. "But you—_us,_ it's the only thing that feels right, right now."

"Give me time." He squeezed her hand, promising never to let go again. "I know I want to be with you."

Sarah smiled despite her tears and Chuck wanted to think that they were tears of happiness.

"All the time in the world," she whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

Chuck thought she'd never looked more beautiful to him than in that moment. If not for the wretched table between them, he would have taken her in his arms and kissed her right then.

It wouldn't be like those other kisses, he was sure there would be no awkwardness, no hesitation this time. It would feel as if he'd kissed her a thousand times before; the most familiar feeling in the world.

"The night before we left for D.C….I proposed, didn't I?"

Sarah gaped. "How—"

Chuck reached into his pocket and pulled out the little velvet box. He placed it on the table and slid it over until it was in front of her bare hands.

"I'm sorry, Sarah, my memory isn't very good. The doctor tells me I've had a nasty fall." He smiled sheepishly at her. "Would you remind me what your answer was?"

Sarah looked deep into his eyes. The corners of her lips twitched and a smile spread across her face, one not so different from the kind Chuck had committed to memory.

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	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Hello all my lovely readers, i apologize for the delay. Mondays are never any good but the rest of the week didn't pan out too well either and it's been an unhealthy relationship between school and procrastination. _

_Thank you for all your kind reviews, i'm so glad that you liked the last chapter. This chapter and the next two are technically one huge chapter that i've split because i don't want to confuse you guys with the POV's. it's also going to read a little different because there's a lot of breaks. let me know what you think.  
_

_oh...and i should warn you, this chapter is kind of fluffy.  
_

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_Chapter 14:

Despite ordering only a cup of coffee and tea, most of which sat in their respective mugs untouched, Chuck and Sarah lingered at the corner table, oblivious to the ire of the café owners. Their conversation flowed easily like old friends meeting after a long reprieve, but Chuck couldn't help likening it to a current of hot and cold water with him wading chest-deep between the familiar and the great unknown.

It was easy to believe that he'd spent months tracking down the whereabouts of his father so the man could walk Ellie down the aisle. He would have done the same thing all over again given the chance. And even when Sarah told him how he'd saved her life once by leaping from the roof of the Buy-More onto an assailant, he thought he might be up to the task should it ever arise.

But there were some things he had no choice but to take her word for. His proposal the night before they left for D.C., for example.

"I lost the ring?" he asked, trying to read behind the playful glint in her eyes.

Sarah's fingers brushed against the object in question, twisting it thoughtfully around its new home on her fourth digit. She smiled ruefully at him, the expression far more subdued than the life that reflected in her eyes.

"Not lost," she corrected. "_Misplaced. _In your jacket pocket. We were at the beach; you forgot it was there and you lent me your jacket when it got cold." Chuck blushed. He didn't remember any of it, but he was already horrified with himself. "So I confronted you about it and you had no choice but to propose."

"Are you saying that my second attempt was _more_ romantic than the first?" he asked, wondering how he'd gotten her to agree the first time.

Sarah tilted her head and gazed upwards, ruminating on the thought. "You let me keep the ring this time," she said, smirking at him. She laughed when she saw his confusion. "You insisted on holding onto it so you could do it properly when we came back."

It was amazing how a simple slip of the tongue could cause everything to fall. The joy in her features went out like a candle, replaced by a look of remorse. Sarah drew back, leaning against her chair. It was as far as she could distance herself physically without leaving.

Chuck stared at the empty box, understanding now why he'd entrusted the ring to Morgan.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, unable to raise her head.

Chuck knew her betrayal would have been difficult to overlook had he remembered what promises they'd made to one another. As it were, he did not, and he only felt insurmountable guilt for bringing the woman he cared for to the brink of tears.

"Sarah," Chuck warned and squeezed her hand. "I don't know what was supposed to happen, but I think things panned out pretty well, don't you?"

Sarah put considerable effort into hiding her true emotions, but Chuck could see the way her lower lip trembled as she breathed.

"I made a terrible mistake—"

"That I don't happen to recall. All I remember is a woman who came back to me and gave up a whole other life to be with me." Chuck didn't know what more he had to do to make her see. Perhaps if he understood her better, if he knew any more than he did, he would not be at such a loss for words. How could he explain it to her? It hardly made any sense, the way she made him feel.

Since his return he had been a puzzle without its final piece, wandering lost and incomplete. And when Sarah came along, he could almost hear the sound of everything _click_ing into place; it was as close as he'd ever felt to reclaiming his memories.

"I don't think you understand why I gave you this ring," he said, holding up her hand so the gem reflected off the ceiling light. "I want to be with you, Sarah. I don't remember the details of our relationship and I don't care. This feels right."

He stared into her eyes, wondering what was more brilliant—her tears or the diamond.

"This ring is my promise to you. You are the only one I want to be with." He used all his charm on her, throwing her the fail-proof puppy dog eyes. It was enough to coax a smile from her grim expression.

"You're lucky I have amnesia this time, but next time…" He wagged his eyebrows and despite all control, Sarah finally laughed.

The sound filled him with relief.

"There won't be a next time," she promised. Chuck saw one last remnant of Sarah's sad smile before it broke into something beautiful. It took his breath away when her face lit up again, and he made a silent vow to do everything in his power to make sure that never changed.

_

Having been turned out of the café at closing, the couple walked down the darkened street hand in hand. Each time the diamond caught the glint of a street lamp or car headlight, Chuck felt his heart soar. He was sure he was grinning like an idiot every time he looked at his companion, but she didn't seem to mind.

"What is it?" she finally asked, after allowing him to steal glances at her without comment for the longest time.

"Can I ask you something?" Chuck was afraid he'd said something wrong when he felt Sarah's hand loosen from his. He squeezed tighter, refusing to let her go so easily.

"Okay," she said, though the light in her eyes had faded some.

They stopped and Chuck turned to her, looking into her eyes with all seriousness. "What's your favorite ice cream flavor?"

Sarah did a double-take as he knew she would and he burst out in laughter.

"What?" she asked, relaxing again. "Chuck, that's not funny!"

Chuck shook his head. A part of him wondered what she had been so afraid of but he knew better than to ask.

"Give me a break, Sarah, I have amnesia. It was very traumatic."

She chewed on the corner of her lip, suppressing a smile. "As if you remember," she said, narrowing her eyes. "You can't use amnesia as an excuse for everything."

Chuck's laughed eventually died down and he looked at her, feeling the happiest he'd been since—as far as he knew, five years ago.

"So?" he asked, waiting expectantly.

"So what?"

Chuck nudged her gently. "Come on. It's not fair; I don't know anything about you."

He finally got a laugh out of her. "Well that wasn't very smart of you was it?" she teased. "Asking a stranger to marry you. I could be a real _bad_ person, Chuck." Her eyes darkened but the smile gave it away. When she saw that Chuck wasn't buying the act, she relented. "Rocky road."

"Rocky road," Chuck repeated, ingraining the information into his memory. "Do you know--"

"Chocolate fudge," she responded without batting an eyelash. She looked at him not for confirmation but to revel in her triumph. Chuck loved that smile, she reminded him of a cat who'd just caught the biggest fish from the pond. "I can name all thirty-one in descending order."

Chuck raised his brows in question and she raised her chin, ready for the challenge.

"Peanut butter and chocolate, mint chocolate chip, cherry cheesecake, maple walnut…" Sarah paused, laughing when she saw the incredulous expression on his face. "Do you want me to go on?"

Chuck nodded. He could have chosen to stop her at any time, and she gave him plenty of opportunities when she paused to catch her breath, but there were no words to describe how he felt. And so he listened in awe as she recited each flavor in perfect order, nearly placing the sanctity of his friendship with Morgan in question.

After two consecutive unromantic proposals, Chuck thought better than to confess that he had quite possibly fallen in love with her at that very moment.

_

Neither of them had discussed where they intended to walk so when their stroll ended at Chuck's apartment complex, it took them both by surprise. They stood at the doors and looked to one another. His hand had grown used to the feel of Sarah's and more than a part of him didn't want to let go.

"You…wanna come up with me?" he asked. It was getting late but he held onto the hope that she would stay with him just a little longer.

"Okay," she said, looking just as relieved by the invitation.

Chuck's elation was cut short however when he remembered what awaited. His tension began to mount as they stepped into the elevator's confined quarters and worsened with each floor they ascended.

"Sarah, can I ask you a question?"

She laughed. "My favorite candy?"

If only. "Are you and Carmen friends?" Chuck could see the change in Sarah as she registered what he was asking. Her smile faded and when she didn't immediately answer, he was afraid she was going to build a wall to keep him out.

But Sarah didn't. She was only wary, cautious at most. "Yeah, we're friends," she said. Her eyes shifted but Chuck believed her.

"That's good," he said, sighing with relief. "Carmen has a bad temper and she's going to be really mad when she finds out I left the apartment without saying anything."

Sarah arched one of her perfectly shaped brows at him. "Really?" she said, drawing out the word with a definitive smile. She shrugged. "Don't worry, Chuck, I'm sure she won't mind."

Her matter-of-fact response did little to put his mind at ease. "I don't know, Sarah…"

His nervousness only broadened Sarah's grin. "Trust me," she said, and raised her chin, ready for another challenge.

.

Chuck entered first and when he opened the door to find Carmen clutching the phone, wielding it as if it were a weapon, he wanted to spin around and exclaim "I told you so!" But by then, he was already paralyzed with fear and he froze at the threshold, unable to take even another step forwards.

"Where have you been?" Carmen demanded. "Do you have any idea how long you were gone for?"

Chuck shrugged. "Five hours? Six…maybe?"

The response made the woman livid. Her brown eyes deepened to charcoal black and she clenched the phone so tightly it bent on the verge of snapping in half.

"Charles Bartowski, where have you been?" she growled.

Before Chuck could give an answer, Sarah pushed past him and stepped forwards. "With me."

Carmen took a step back. The fury extinguished from her eyes and she frowned. "Sarah," she uttered, her voice softening in disbelief.

Sarah folded her arms across her chest. "Hello, Carmen," she said in a tone Chuck had never heard before.

The two women regarded one another in silence. The tension in the air was so thick, Chuck felt like he could choke on it. If this were a Discovery channel feature, they would be the lionesses and he would be the dead gazelle lying in the backdrop.

As if sensing his discomfort, Sarah turned to him.

"Give us a minute?" Her face softened when she looked at him, but Chuck was sure it was not the same expression she had for Carmen only seconds before. He nodded and retreated to the safety of his room, only too glad to be spared from whatever they had in mind.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Here is part two. It's probably still fluffy, you've been warned.  
_

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_Chapter 15:

If Sarah had learned anything from her time in the agency, it was putting on a good poker face. She pushed the bad thoughts that were surfacing _down, down, down_ until they were all safely tucked away, somewhere in the recesses of her mind. Only then could she take a deep breath and focus.

She would never admit to being the jealous type, had never allowed herself to sink to being one of _those_ girls, but being in this room, _their_ apartment, made her nearly sick to her stomach. She was sure Carmen was the type to take advantage of those who were weak and vulnerable. She had seen the way she looked at him sometimes, when she didn't think Sarah was watching.

But Chuck had known there was something wrong with Carmen, he told her so. Even if Carmen tried anything, it probably went nowhere.

_So there's no reason to harbor these feelings,_ Sarah reminded, but it was difficult.

Yes, she'd known that Carmen was still around, but the woman's motives hadn't bothered her until Sarah stepped through the door. For the past few weeks her mind had only allowed her to think of one thing and one thing only. Finally able to put those fears aside, the rest of her life was still struggling to catch up with her.

Sarah hadn't lied to Chuck; they were friends the way Chuck and Carmen were girlfriend/boyfriend…it was complicated. Both women were bound by duty, and did what they needed to get the job done. They were efficient, dependable, and top of their class. The only thing Sarah would acknowledge they had in common however, was Chuck. Otherwise, she hated to find herself compared to her colleague.

Sarah's eyes flickered to the ring newly situated on her left hand. She hadn't gotten used to seeing it there and she knew by the look of surprise on Carmen's face that she wasn't prepared for it either. What was it that flashed across the woman's face? Disappointment? Denial? _Jealousy? _

Sarah walked slowly towards the other woman; holding her tongue, biding her time. She allowed the younger, less experienced agent to have the first say; it really didn't matter. Sarah would make sure she had the last word.

"I didn't expect to see you here."

Sarah smiled. "Then you haven't been doing your job." Arms still folded, she walked closer, a part of her unwilling to allow Chuck to hear any part of their conversation and the other curious to see the extent of Carmen's self control.

The brunette narrowed her eyes. "I'm doing this as a favor. I'm supposed to be on leave."

"I'm sure," Sarah said dryly. "Who needs a vacation, right?"

Carmen growled. Standing to her full height, they met eye to eye, so close to one another they were a breath's distance apart. They stared each other down and the tension in their faces spoke louder than words.

Sarah was acutely aware that her colleague was a short fuse but it only made her a glutton for punishment. That said, Carmen deserved everything she got for her _dedication._

The brunette broke away first. The tension evaporated from her features and a smile broke across her face.

"What are you trying to say?" she asked, shaking her head in a guileless manner. Her stance relaxed and she uncrossed her arms, making herself vulnerable to an attack.

The transformation was nearly complete, except her eyes bore into Sarah's with all the intensity of a hardened interrogator. It was a warning—_back off_, and Sarah knew she needed to match it if she wanted to stand her ground.

She didn't have to try very hard. She only needed to remind herself of what it would be like to lose Chuck and those earlier thoughts raced to the forefront of her mind.

"You know your act might work on Chuck, but it's not going to work on me," she warned. She felt a certain sense of satisfaction at the reaction she got from the brunette.

Carmen tilted her head slightly, her eyes warming. The façade completed, it disarmed Sarah to see the similarity to Chuck's familiar brown eyes being reflected in front of her and for a second, she nearly fell under its spell.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Carmen said. "This was part of our cover."

Sarah had to smile. "At home too?" she queried, keeping her tone civil. "Who were you acting for then?"

Carmen crossed her arms in resignation. Given her high cheekbones, it was not difficult to see that she was clenching her jaw.

"What are you doing here?" she snarled, her true colors showing.

Sarah considered responding with a wise-crack answer, but she knew what Carmen really wanted to know. "I'm staying," she replied. _For good. _

The brunette shook her head. "You can't be here. Chuck is my boyfriend."

Sarah wanted to laugh, but the way she said it—as if there was some truth to it, robbed her of any elation. She glared at the younger agent, daring her to say more; provide her with any excuse to knock some sense into her.

_You're not that kind of girl, _she reminded herself. Sarah ran her left thumb against the metal band on her ring finger, making sure for the millionth time this evening that this wasn't a dream. She smiled. _Alright, perhaps just a bit. _

"Maybe, but he's my _fiancée_." Sarah never realized how much she enjoyed saying the word until now.

It was enough to silence her adversary.

"You should sit tight," she added, nodding towards the couch. "I think you'll be expecting a call soon."

Carmen made no indication of taking her advice. "Did he get his memories back?" she asked, her eyes darting towards the closed door of Chuck's bedroom. "Does he know everything?"

"No." Sarah was tempted to elaborate but she could already feel her resolve slipping away. It was amazing how quickly the tables could turn. Carmen's eyes bored into hers and she like all four walls were closing in on her.

"Don't lie to me," Carmen warned. "How does he know you then? Where did you get that ring?"

Sarah realized what Carmen was getting at, and even the veiled threat of it made her see red.

"He doesn't remember anything!" she hissed, a growl forming deep in her throat. She closed the distance between them until she was breathing down on her, each breath as hot as furnace. There were no longer skirting around the subject.

Implying that there was something going on between Chuck and Carmen she could tolerate, but not a threat on his well-being, especially not after everything they'd gone through.

It took every ounce of Sarah's restraint not to push the woman up against the wall and make a physical threat on her life, but the temptation was there.

"We gave him the test after the procedure and he didn't flash—at all. He hasn't recalled anything since he's come back." The very real and imminent fear of losing Chuck was like a nightmare she would never wake from. They were soulless, the whole lot of them, and they would stop at nothing until they had him. Her heart beat faster and faster as she tried to rationalize. They wouldn't take him, they'd already let him go. They just couldn't.

"Do you understand? He doesn't belong to them anymore and he never will. You can test him again if you don't believe me."

Sarah saw a real look of fear in Carmen's eyes. She saw her own reflection in those brown orbs and it frightened her a little too.

Had she gone insane?

Probably.

She knew she couldn't lose him again, and they both knew what she was capable of.

"He doesn't remember anything," Sarah repeated, more for her own reassurance than anything else. "You _know_ that."

"I don't believe you," Carmen said, but her voice had grown quiet. Either Sarah had gotten to her or she'd finally realized what would happen if Chuck did regain those memories. "I refuse." Carmen looked stubbornly at her. "I've spent the last few days with him. I was a _real_ girlfriend to him."

Sarah blinked, staring at her with disbelief. She took a step back, collecting herself. Was this really what it was all about? The danger of losing Chuck dissolved. Seconds ago she was on the verge of tears and now all she wanted to do was laugh. It was no longer a matter of life and death; merely a case of wounded pride.

Resisting the urge to provoke her any further, Sarah held a solemn expression. "And I'm sure he was nothing short of a perfect gentleman."

_

Sarah knocked once before opening the door to Chuck's room. Realizing Chuck wasn't used to having her barge in like this, she stopped halfway and was about to close the door when he grabbed onto the other side.

"Hey!" he said, shooting her a familiar and much welcomed smile. "What's going on?"

Sarah held the door slightly ajar, feeling suddenly self-conscious. "Nothing," she said with a shrug. "Can I come in?"

He pulled the door wide open and led her into his mess of a bedroom with a flourish and a bow. She laughed and collapsed onto his bed, overwhelmed by nostalgia.

"Is everything okay?" he asked as he sat down beside her.

Sarah was a bundle of nerves; her body was on high-alert and all senses were primed after the encounter with Carmen. Every touch, smell, sound, she experienced tenfold. So when Chuck looked at her in an unassuming but deeply concerned manner, she nearly burst into tears.

She knew it wasn't possible but when he looked at her sometimes, she felt like he hadn't changed at all. The joy of knowing _her_ Chuck was still there and the terrible fear of losing him to the agency made her unsure whether she ought to smile or to cry.

She took a deep breath and exhaled quietly. "Yeah," she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, resting his chin over her temple and their sudden proximity sent shivers all through her spine. It was when he did things like that, without even realizing it, that made her wonder how much he really remembered. "Everything's just fine."

"Carmen wasn't too mean, I hope."

Sarah couldn't help it. The thought sent her into violent laughter and she latched onto Chuck, spurred on by his incredulous expression. Really, if he remembered anything at all, he would know that he had much more to fear in the woman sitting beside him.

"What's funny?" he asked, holding her steady.

"Nothing, Chuck," she uttered inbetween gasps for air. Maybe someday she would tell him, but for now she was grateful for Chuck's comedic timing. When he looked at her and tenderly wiped her cheeks free of tears, he didn't suspect they were anything more than tears of joy.

"So, what do we do now?"

Sarah shrugged. The mental list she'd compiled filled her with dread and it only seemed grow. "It's late. Why don't we figure that out tomorrow?"

Chuck seemed to agree with her. They sat in silence, each lost in their own train of thought. Sarah wondered what he was thinking about now in that brilliant head of his.

Stealing a glance at him, her heart bubbled with so much emotion it was fit to burst. She had forgotten how much she missed him.

Having held back for so long, she could resist no longer and ran her hand through his gorgeous mop of curls.

It was a mistake. Shaken from his reverie, Chuck drew back, his eyes wide with alarm.

"Sorry," Sarah uttered, dropping the offending hand immediately. She should have known better. She was still a stranger to him.

There was a pause, and Sarah realized they had fallen into an awkward silence.

"No. You just startled me." Chuck flashed her an apologetic look and shuffled back to her side, dipping his head towards her. "Go ahead," he said, blushing visibly despite the low lighting.

Sarah felt another rush of emotion overtake her as she wrapped her finger around one of his curls. Chuck shouldn't have done that. Like the first taste of a forbidden fruit, it just wasn't enough.

She had a sudden compulsion to crush her lips against his, to kiss him the way she'd wanted to ever since he first woke up. She wanted her body against his, the warm touch of his flesh against hers. No distractions, no obstacles, just them.

But reality caught up to her, and she knew if a simple touch was enough to startle Chuck, a kiss would incapacitate him.

A quick glance at the clock told her time was running out. Like Cinderella at the ball, she had to return to the hotel eventually; without him.

_You can handle one more night alone_, she told herself. Or as many nights as it took for him to catch up to her. For now she had to contend herself with the ring he'd given her and all its promises for the future.

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" he asked.

She smiled. Ah, there was always tomorrow. "I don't know." She shrugged. "Maybe I'll start looking for a job."

Chuck laughed. "Good idea. I think I will too." Sarah would never admit it, but she loved it when he teased. His eyes sparkled with all the innocence and mischief of a child. "Unless you think I still have my job?"

Sarah shrugged. "Why don't we go tomorrow and find out?"

A glimmer of apprehension passed through his eyes. "You…you know where it is?"

She nodded, cementing the fear from something that was once a figment into something very real.

Chuck buried his face in his hands. "Wow, this is looking real good," he groaned. His sudden dejection combined with a rare sarcastic edge worried her.

"What do you mean?" Sarah grabbed his wrist, urging him to look up at her.

"I mean…by tomorrow I could be unemployed, homeless—" he stopped, looking to Sarah for confirmation.

"Sorry, Chuck." The agency had paid for the apartment and everything in it save for the items in this room. If the powers that be were so inclined, they could have the entire place stripped and vacated by tomorrow morning.

Chuck shrugged. "Least of my worries," he muttered. "I can't marry you like this. I don't have anything, I don't know—"

"Whoa, Chuck." She stopped him before he could go any further. The words formed a painful lump in the back of her throat and she thought she needed to catch her breath. "Are you having second thoughts?"

A pause. "What?" he gaped. "No!" He looked at her as if she were insane. "Of course not. I just feel bad for you."

"For me?" Sarah balked. "What's gotten into you, Chuck?"

"I feel bad for you," he repeated, looking at her in all seriousness. "You're waiting for me to catch up, to be able to be there for you, and I don't know when I'll be _that_ guy again. Maybe I'll never recover, what then?"

"Chuck—" It was so far from the truth and Sarah wanted to stop him from saying anything more but like a snowball gathering size as it rolled down a hill, he was caught in his own words.

"There's this whole part of my life I'll never know about, and there are all these things we once shared that I have no recollection of. And there are all these things you can't ever tell me—"

Sarah had heard enough. She held his chin, tilting it so his eyes would meet hers. "I know," she said, cutting him off. "No one said it was going to be easy."

Nothing for them had ever come easily.

She held his gaze, strong and steadfast. Chuck had done it for her and she knew she had to return the favor in kind. "Yes, things happened in the past, good and bad. And yes, there are things about me you don't remember—but that belonged with my other life, and I'm ready to start living this one with you."

She squeezed his hand, wondering how she'd ever earned this second chance. She wished he could see that not everyone got to start over with a clean slate.

"It's okay if you don't remember. This is our life now, and we can start living it today." She paused, subconsciously raising her chin just the slightest. "You ready?"

Chuck smiled like he finally understood. "Yeah."


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Part three is short and probably unnecessary but I thought there had to be some redemption for Carmen. Next chapter will be the last for this story._

_ Thank you guys for your reviews! If there's something you didn't like or didn't understand, please tell me before the end as it will be...the end.  
_

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Chapter 16:

Chuck walked Sarah back to her hotel even though she insisted he didn't need to. She was probably correct, but he did it anyway.

At the end of the evening she'd offered to show Chuck her room and despite every instinct that screamed otherwise, he declined, knowing he wouldn't be leaving if he took her up on that offer. As she closed the door on him ever so slowly with that expression of reluctance, he thought his knees would collapse and he would give in. He held on just long enough for her to disappear from sight.

For the entire walk back to his apartment, Chuck questioned whether he was capable of making rational decisions for himself anymore. Of course once he pictured her staring at him with those pure cerulean eyes, he knew he'd made the right choice.

Any moment this evening would have served to prove that Sarah loved him. There were probably people living on the street who had more to offer than he did yet the amazing and beautiful woman that she was had accepted him with nothing to his name.

And that was precisely why he couldn't spend the night with her.

Until he could return the same look in kind, stare into her eyes the same way with the same emotions, he was only going to disappoint her. And Sarah Walker was not someone who deserved anything less than the absolute.

And really, Chuck reasoned, after five years of being hung up on Jill, he really didn't want to jinx what was already an exceptional first date.

_

When Chuck returned to the apartment, Carmen was waiting for him. The smile that had been plastered on his face quickly fell and he shut the door quietly behind him. He walked over to the couch where she sat cloaked in darkness.

"It's okay," she said, her voice the softest he'd ever heard. "I know you were out with Sarah."

Chuck took a seat dutifully on the far other side. The space that divided them was not lost on either of them.

"I was supposed to watch you for a little while," she finally said.

Chuck was so surprised to hear her offer something about their past that he almost spluttered.

"We worked well together, you know?" she continued, her voice no more than a whisper. Her words were as vague as Sarah's, but Chuck knew quickly enough that they were speaking about things that should only be spoken in hushed voices. "Then you disappeared and I get a call."

Carmen's expression was pained as she swallowed the lump that built in her throat. She stared at him with the same intense look she'd given him in the car that day.

"I was so mad at you. If you told me what you were planning I would have called you naïve. Stupid. Hopeless."

Chuck gulped nervously with each insult. That would explain their first meeting.

"They had me keep an eye on you when you got back—"

"In case it didn't work?" Chuck wondered what would have happened if it hadn't. What would his life be like then?

Carmen shrugged but it appeared to be an affirmative. "You can't trust anyone, you know? We had to make sure you weren't…" She struggled to think of a better word.

"Faking it," Chuck finished, saving her the trouble.

"Yeah." Carmen sighed, her voice filled with defeat. "And…I thought maybe with _her_ out of the picture, I had a chance."

Chuck looked at her sharply. Carmen had never struck him as the type but she looked every bit like a schoolgirl confessing a crush. It was only then he realized he'd never seen her blush before.

"But I really didn't know you, did I?" She laughed softly under her breath. "I was a terrible girlfriend, wasn't I?"

Chuck shook his head. "No. You were fine," he said. "I wasn't exactly a prime candidate."

Carmen didn't say anything. She wasn't going down that road.

"You're not showing any evidence of residual memories, are you?" she asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

Chuck shook his head. "The less I know the better, right?"

"Yeah," she said, sadness permeating her voice. "You're not getting those memories back, Chuck. I wasn't briefed on the details but I know they wouldn't let you go if it was temporary."

Chuck nodded, swallowing back his bitterness. "I know." It was just as well that he didn't remember what he'd done over the last five years, probably safer too.

"I've been asked to go back." There was a pause where Chuck could have asked where, but he knew it wasn't something she would say. "Don't worry. I'm sure Sarah is more than capable of taking care of you."

Chuck had questioned Carmen's actions before but when she reach over and clasped his hand, he felt like the moment was real.

"Thank you," she breathed, her voice magnified by the silence in the apartment.

"For being such a nuisance?"

She smiled. "For making me realize I still had a heart. For making me see that I was still capable of caring for someone else." Carmen leaned in close, rapidly closing the distance between them. She lowered her eyes and it looked like she was about to kiss him. But then at the last moment, a smile broke across her face. "Don't worry, Chuck, nothing happened between us." She arched her brows. "Not for lack of trying though," she added with a smirk. "Sarah's lucky to have you."

Chuck didn't say anything. He knew better than to contradict her.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

It was early on a Friday night and already a crowd loomed all around the perimeter of the exhibition hall. It was near impossible to hear over the excited hollers and the camera lights flickered like fireworks, enough to burn out a person's retinas.

Vicki Kent checked her make-up for the tenth time in half an hour, tilting her head from side to side to capture all angles in the small compact mirror. She reapplied a coat of lip gloss, having chewed the previous coat off in her nervousness.

Suddenly she heard someone scream, "He's here! He's here!"

Vicki dropped her make-up and grabbed her tape recorder. She ran ahead in her stiletto heels, beating out everyone else to the end of the red carpet.

"Mr. Bartowski!" she screamed. "Mr. Bartowski!"

Relief flooded her when the tall brown-haired man turned in her direction. He smiled shyly and waved.

"Mr. Bartowski, if I could have a moment of your time!" she begged, waving him over. She thought she was going to faint when he obliged. He was striking in the well-fitted suit yet looked somewhat uncomfortable with the attention he was receiving, making him the rare kind of man who lived unaware of his own appeal. Vicki was sure when the recorder was off she would tell him about a thing or two.

"Hello, Miss…" He held out his hand and she latched on, shaking his entire arm enthusiastically.

"Kent!" she breathed, smiling so wide her cheeks hurt. "Vicki Kent. Reporting for the LA Times. Mr. Bartowski, you must be so excited. Your game's just sold over ten million copies in its first week and it's been nominated for the critic's choice of 2013."

Mr. Bartowski's nodded, well aware of that fact. "It wasn't me alone. My partner, Mr. Grimes, was instrumental to the development of the game."

Vicki hardly gave a thought to the developer's shorter, less attractive friend. "But it was _you_ who came up with the concept, wasn't it? That's so amazing. How did you think of it? It's so brilliant, really!"

Mr. Bartowski looked flustered by her effusive compliments. "Uh…about that." Before he could finish the thought, a tall, slender woman appeared at his side, wrapping her hands discretely around his elbow.

Vicki's smile faded and she straightened her posture, knowing a challenge when she saw one. Mr. Bartowski continued to stammer, looking to his companion for the words he needed.

She was preoccupied however, staring down at Vicki Kent, the blue of her eyes like the metal edge of a knife.

"Hello," she greeted, the tone of her voice restrained but still demure.

"Hello," Vicki responded, feeling a little hesitant.

"Sweetie, Miss Kent was just asking me how I came up with the concept for the game," Mr. Bartowski explained, oblivious to the staring match between the two women.

His companion looked up at him and they shared a secretive smile. The look alone was enough to fill Vicki with jealousy. Suddenly she felt like the kid being picked last for the team; the girl left out on all the gossip.

"Ah, and what were you going to say?" she teased. Her eyes were momentarily light like spring-water but then they caught Vicki staring and darkened in warning.

Mr. Bartowski shrugged. "Well, like many things in life…it just came to me. You know? It just felt right."

"Right time, right place," his companion added. "All a big coincidence, perhaps?"

He nodded enthusiastically. Vicki sensed there was something more but in her envious state, she couldn't be bothered to ask.

"And you are?" she asked pointedly.

Mr. Bartowski beamed with pride. "Oh, how rude of me. Allow me to introduce my wife to you, Miss Kent. Sarah—"

Sarah extended her hand. "Sarah Bartowski," she said, making sure the woman caught the flash of the diamond sitting on her ring finger.

Vicki stared, struck speechless by the cruel hand of reality. "Pleased…to meet you," she uttered. The woman smiled triumphantly back, and Vicki had to admit she had lost to a worthy adversary.

"Sweetie, we should get inside. They're waiting for you."

Mr. Bartowski wrapped his arm around his wife and waved at the hapless, young reporter. "It was nice meeting you," he said. "You'll write something nice for your article, won't you?"

She nodded dumbly. "Of course, Mr. Bartowski," she said as she watched him ascend the stairs, taking with him all her hopes and dreams.

_

"Chuck, relax. There's nothing for you to worry about." Sarah's tone was soothing but he needed more than a few words to calm him down. The entire exhibition hall, all three floors, were filled with reporters and critics just waiting to pounce on him.

"What makes you think I'm nervous?" he asked, putting on a front. She laughed, making Chuck blush. "Am I really that easy to read?"

Sarah focused on his tie, straightening it even though it was already perfect. "Your hands are a little clammy," she confessed, kissing him gently on the lips. "Just relax. This is your moment. What you've waited your whole life for."

He arched his brows. "This?" he asked, nodding in the direction of the crowd. "No. This isn't what I've waited my whole life for." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her snug against him.

Sarah shot him a look. "_Chuck_…" she warned in a low, husky voice; the one that often made him forget he possessed free will. "You can't charm a girl like that unless you're willing to follow through." She gave him one last, long kiss away from prying eyes before extracting herself from his grip. "Stop procrastinating. You should know I'm not usually so generous. I don't like to share my husband with just anyone."

She held out her hand, and together they walked into the awaiting crowd.

_

The couple had taken no more than ten steps into the crowded floor before Chuck interrupted.

"Hey, Sarah, is that who I think it is?" Chuck nodded in the direction of the gentleman sitting at the bar. Aware of their attention, he raised his glass and nodded.

Sarah stopped in her tracks, a look of bewilderment clear on her features.

"Sarah?" She stirred from her thoughts and stared up at her husband. "Did you invite Doctor Casey?"

The blond-haired woman squeezed his hand. "Well, he did save your life you know," she said slowly. "I thought the least you could do was extend the courtesy and invite him to your launch."

Chuck tilted his head, staring deep into her cobalt blue eyes. He knew that look; he'd seen it often enough. They shared a moment, and then Chuck relented.

"Okay," he said. He didn't have to know; knowing that it was something was enough for him.

Chuck looked back at the doctor and smiled, and hard as it was to believe, he thought he saw the doctor return the favor with something genuine.

_

"Chuck! Sarah!" The couple slowed just enough for a tall brunette to catch up to them.

"Ellie! Careful!"

The elder Bartowski frowned at him. "Chuck, I'm pregnant not invalid," she reminded. A smile broke out on her face and she grabbed their hands, one in each of hers. "Isn't this exciting?" she asked, squeezing each of them with enthusiasm.

Chuck nodded, far more subdued than his sister. "Yes…yes…very exciting," he said, looking around at all the photographers and strangers that surrounded them.

Sarah smiled. "Don't worry, he's just overwhelmed," she said, teasing him again.

Ellie squeezed Chuck's hand and when she looked over at her sister-in-law, it was hard to imagine she ever bore the woman any ill will. It was amazing what a long apology and dinner twice a week at their home could do.

"Devon and I are upstairs by the couches if you need to come find us." Then she turned to the blond haired woman. "Make sure he doesn't. This is not a time for my brother, the man of the hour, to hide in a corner with his sister."

Sarah smiled, a knowing glint in her eyes. "Don't worry, he won't."

Ellie gave each of them a hug, and then disappeared into the crowd again. Chuck tracked the back of her head, casting a worried glance with every step she made.

"Chuck, she's right. She's pregnant not incompetent," Sarah reminded, trying to capture his attention. "She knows how to walk in a straight line."

"Yes, and that's exactly the problem," he pointed out. "She can't walk in a straight line when there's so many people around!"

Sarah laughed. She tugged on his tie, bringing his ear closer to her lips. "What are you going to do, Charles Irving Bartowski, when we decide to have children of our own?"

The question was harmless enough, but it was still sufficient for Chuck to flush beet red. Luckily for him the room was dark and no one save for his wife could tell. Her eyes glinted with mischief and she smiled, obviously pleased she could still have that effect on him.

"That's not fair, Sarah, you can't say things like that to me and not follow through," he whispered, throwing her own words back at her.

She tilted her head, her chin rising slightly at the challenge. She held his gaze, her eyes dark and daring. The electricity that passed between them was nearly palpable. They stared at one another, neither of them saying a word. Finally Chuck looked away. If even possible, his face flushed an even deeper shade of red.

Sarah shook her head slowly, her own cheeks beginning to blush. "That time it was all you," she teased.

_

Hours later and the evening was finally winding down. Chuck thought he sounded like a broken record, repeating the same things over and over again but the press seemed to lap it up and he was grateful for it. It saved him from having to elaborate and possibly make a fool of himself.

Somewhere along the way he lost track of Sarah and now as he walked up to the third floor of the rented hall, he saw that she was sitting with Ellie. His sister had the woman's hand pressed over her growing belly.

Chuck kept his distance, not wanting to disturb them. Knowing Ellie, she was probably going to slip a few not-so-subtle hints later tonight if she hadn't already gotten to Sarah.

"Great evening, huh?" Morgan walked up to him with two cold beers in hand, dressed to the nines in a suit identical to Chuck's. It had been their idea to dress in matching suits, a notion Ellie insisted only children practiced when forced by their mothers.

He handed him one of the bottles and uncapped the other. Now that the party was nearly over, they could relax a little.

"We did it, Chuck, we really did it." Chuck knew the look of excitement on Morgan's face spelled only the beginning of what they could do together.

"Hard to believe, huh?"

"You kidding?" Morgan laughed. "Look at this place! We're the two luckiest bastards in this joint!"

Heads turned at the louder than expected exclamation and the pair turned around, feigning ignorance. Only when they thought the coast was clear did they turn back around.

"Yeah," Chuck said, clinking bottles. He stole a glance at Sarah and as if on cue, she looked up and smiled a smile so brilliant it threatened to overshadow the light in her eyes. Chuck felt his heart swell at the sight of her and he returned the look in kind. From across the room, they shared a moment that was completely theirs alone.

"We sure are."

THE END

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_A/N: That's all folks! Thank you to all the wonderful people who left me a review; your words of encouragement were exactly what i needed to finish this story. Thank you for being so patient and sticking with me to the end. I'm still a newbie at this and you guys have been nothing but kind. Thanks again! _


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